Relationship Drama: Just had fight with GF, what do I do? Update Post 185

[Halifax]

This is crazy shit. Don't call her. If she wants gifts, she can at least learn not to punish you for giving them and then have you apologize for spending money on her and then being punished for it. If you ask me.

You can't stop a woman from acting crazy, but you do have control over whether you reward it with apologies.

Listen to this man.

 

[FyrFytr998]

Is it too late to suggest...

 

[AznTrojan]

lol.. she's bitching about you buying her a necklace.. lol.. you need to find a better woman

my wife told me she would pissed if i got bought myself a smoker.. so i bought one for her as a gift which was promptly re-gifted back to me.. she's so damn thoughtful..

 

[indo80]

something is really fishy about this whole situation as women love getting gifts. I remember being at a cafeteria in my early 20's, I was behind a elderly couple where the woman was yelling and ordering the poor guy around. He remained speechless and took it...... i'll let you solve this puzzle.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

Cliffs:

Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

 

[Magooglie]

It's a good thing you broke up. I'm sure you'll meet someone more compatible in the future if that's what you're looking for.

 

[Smashandgrab]

Dude. She sounds like a raging cunt. You will do better.

 

[choke you]

Wow. I would've had a melt down wayyyyy before you reacted. I can't tolerate being nagged and pushed around which my wife will try from time to time and it always gets ugly.
It's all good now though bro.

 

[MaxMMA]

You bought your girlfriend a gift and all she did was bitch and moan about the way it should/shouldn't be delivered... get out if you're not retarded.

 

[EL CORINTHIAN]

You did the right thing man, good on you.Time with tell what the future holds but as it stands this is what's needed. If your sense of identity is being lost in the process it makes sense.

 

[Smashandgrab]

The bodybuilding gave it away. You are gay and are incompatible with any woman. Time to find the man of your dreams.

Come on now. That's unnecessarily harsh.

 

[method115]

Cliffs:

Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

Nice but you should have told her she has a problem. Nagging someone the way she does is an issue. I understand wanting certain qualities in a person but the amount of nagging is just way to much and is something she needs to learn to change about herself. It's not only about her nagging but I bet she doesn't do it in a very polite and understanding manner from the way it sounds which is something she needs to work on. My fiance has a similar issue just not quite to the level your X has it. Whenever it happens I tell her immediately to stop the shit and I explain to her what's wrong with what she's doing. 99% of the time she understands and apologizes but if it's the time of the month...well who knows how it will go.

 

[indo80]

find yourself a 30 year old, dating a woman 10 years older than you is just asking for a new mommy. If a woman isnt hitched by 35 than there is something going on which isnt very desirable. Like a grocery store the best fruit gets picked first before the good, mediocre, and the bad.

 

[GhostZ06]

Cliffs:

Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

Whhhaaaaaaatt, fuck that dude... that shits annoying! Good riddance, you can do better then that B

 

[Higus]

TS, you think you are keeping the peace by shrugging off her nagging, but it's better to nip it in the bud early. Women like to poke around and try to find out where their man's limits are early in a relationship. They need to know that when push comes to shove you are the guy in charge. If they escalate nagging and you don't respond, they will start to get neurotic because they do not know if you are a giant pussy or will suddenly dump her before she finds your limits. Both scenarios will make her anxious, which will lead to more neurotic behavior and eventually downward spiral the relationship. In the future, just say something like "You have a point about _____, but knock it off with the attitude" the first time she acts disrespectful and you will both be much happier.

 

[homer]

Sounds like she was finding reasons to pick a fight just to push her agenda. Do not restart the relationship as she sees you as a last chance... Do not change to suit someone else's needs or requirements, you are just setting yourself up to be a puppet for the rest of your relationships. People in a relationship accept each other for whom they are including "short comings" and then slowly change over time. If it is not the dishes, then it is the way you eat, or what you eat, or your friends, or your clothing, etc... You would be hating your relationship from then on if you were still together.

You will be fine.

 

[trolololol]

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

LMAO so how does one take off the cover of a salad properly?

 

[Tyrannosaurus rex]

Cliffs:

Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

I don't understand. She's starting shit over nothing, like how you take the cover off your salad and how to position your fork, and yet you feel like you are the one coming up short? You don't think her expectations are unrealistic? That doesn't sound right. Also, how are you not a functional adult for not knowing such irrelevant bullshit? Why did you even want to try to change to meet her ridiculous expectations? She's 100% at fault here, not you.

She has huge issues, and if she ever wants to find love she's the one that needs to change because if she keeps acting like that no man would ever want to be with her.

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

Cliffs:

Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

It probably would have drawn out into a bitter relationship if it continued. You would have given up and not give a shit about her and she would have lost all respect for you and ended up bitter, angry and spiteful towards you, causing you to be that towards her in kind.

Some people fit others, some don't. She sounds massively insecure, probably due to her age, but you wouldn't have been able to make her happy. You are just not the type. Nothing wrong with that.

All the best to the both of you.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

LMAO so how does one take off the cover of a salad properly?

Your apparently supposed to leave the moist side of the container up (if your putting it on a table) to prevent the bacteria from the table getting on the container lid. It makes sense in retrospect, but I took issue with the way I was being berated - she called me stupid for doing it.

I would like to think I am an easy going guy, but her propensity from going 0 - 100 in terms of anger/aggression is what did our relationship in. I don't mind being corrected, but she has a way of making me feel like a child when she's doing it.

While I am making her out to sound like a bitch, she is actually extremely loving and genuinely cares about my well being. I just don't think we are compatible - she needs someone who is really clean and for a lack of a better term, classy (she comes from a really affluent background, so things like etiqutte are a big deal for her. She actually went to a "finishing" school to learn proper deportment).