Not just any monkey - it was his own pet and a barbary macaque. Wow a monarchy brought down by a monkey.
Joe Rogan would rather fight a 155 lbs trained fighter than a 35 lbs monkey
- Thread starter stiltfoxx
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2021
- Messages
- 5,299
- Reaction score
- 7,322
Unhinged humans are some of the most vicious creatures there are. Anyway, Mr monkey wouldn't even be able to sell the fight, fuck him.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2023
- Messages
- 6,904
- Reaction score
- 12,944
If my life was on the line I would do anything to survive. Anyone would. But that's an extremely rare scenario. I think that's what Rogan is missing here.
I've gotten in bar fights with strangers and never felt I needed to literally kill the other person to make it out alive. If you lose, they maybe kick you while you're down, but someone is there to break it up. As humans existing in a civil society, we take it easy on each other, even when we beat the crap out of each other.
A monkey doesn't know any better. Once they are in a fight, all they are thinking about is survival. I doubt Rogan has ever been in a life or death scenario if he thinks a 35 lb monkey is his greatest threat.
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2016
- Messages
- 29,725
- Reaction score
- 52,888
It would be like UFC 1 all over again.
Fantastic analysis by the way. I'd be willing to bet with two or three good performances from the chimp, he could be in the top 10 and looking at a title shot by 2025.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2008
- Messages
- 17,567
- Reaction score
- 9,196
He’s right you know…
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2014
- Messages
- 22,411
- Reaction score
- 17,138
People get paid for all kinds of weird shit - like kicking a ball or smashing it with a racket...
The danger I think is though that people think they will do these things, but then actually when it comes to it they don't. So a lot of Bullshido is based on the idea that people will eyepoke or groin strike a trained MMA fighter. But how can you know we'll be good at it if we've never practised it in a live fighting environment? I'm not suggesting you here as obviously you have bar fight experience but most people will never have bitten someone's face or gouged at their eyes.
In a similar vein, who is going to be better at biting and scratching - a human or a monkey. The monkey will have much more experience doing this fighting against other monkeys - it'll likely out perform an untrained human in this environment.
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2007
- Messages
- 22,624
- Reaction score
- 1,469
i feel like rogan has talked about this topic before, probably multiple times. but somehow, this particular version of the conversation feels particularly dumb. probably partially due to the guests lack of any meaningful contributions
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2022
- Messages
- 1,374
- Reaction score
- 4,352
Joe Hogan's bro-science is always entertaining (and ridiculous)
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2012
- Messages
- 355
- Reaction score
- 73
Chimp has sharp teeth and strong grip, also speed/reflexes are on their side. Hard to tell what would happen.
Hand to hand, it will bite you somewhere for sure initially. Kick/Punch would not help, since it is fast and light.
Human needs to get hold of chimps neck to control their bite, by sacrificing arm bite or so, not sure how to go around that. Then you can strangle chimp somehow or slam its head on concrete/wall/tree repeatably.
That is how I see it, that is the best chance without weapons. To use your mass/strength and control it. Just that bite is hard to predict, how hard is to endure it and where it would happen.
Hand to hand, it will bite you somewhere for sure initially. Kick/Punch would not help, since it is fast and light.
Human needs to get hold of chimps neck to control their bite, by sacrificing arm bite or so, not sure how to go around that. Then you can strangle chimp somehow or slam its head on concrete/wall/tree repeatably.
That is how I see it, that is the best chance without weapons. To use your mass/strength and control it. Just that bite is hard to predict, how hard is to endure it and where it would happen.
Last edited:
Eyepokes are going to be tricky because the chimp is so much lower than a human. I don’t think you want to get into a ball attacking fight with a chimp. As you say there’s multiple accounts of chimps attacking genitalia with their teeth. Trying to bite a chimp’s testicles off is going to put your face in harms way.
Aesthetically Chimps have poor punch skills (I don’t think they can actually close their hand to make a fist) – a kind of Mongolian chop and stomps to the back seem to be the most common from this video of the attack on chimp island (posted in the previous Bo Nickal thread). But Rogan comments on how even a baby chimp patting him on the back felt hard. We don’t know how hard that’s going to feel especially with the chimp leaping with the blow as well.
The chimp island attack video shows that the chimp’s most likely strategy is to grab hold of you, drag you around and bite at your face and fingers.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2013
- Messages
- 7,556
- Reaction score
- 4,736
That chimp didn't look like he wanted to kill that human. More like showing dominance and making a statement.
The human got away without fighting back. Just by pushing him off.
Probably every chimp pack fights a little different, same as humans.
Saw a docu of a chimp pack trying to kill another pack. Those chimps were probably more experienced.
They threw like a 30 punch combination at their opponent, trying to get 2:1 and upwards situations. Mauling them to death.
Considering our height, maybe getting into deeper water isn't the worst idea.
The human got away without fighting back. Just by pushing him off.
Probably every chimp pack fights a little different, same as humans.
Saw a docu of a chimp pack trying to kill another pack. Those chimps were probably more experienced.
They threw like a 30 punch combination at their opponent, trying to get 2:1 and upwards situations. Mauling them to death.
Considering our height, maybe getting into deeper water isn't the worst idea.
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2011
- Messages
- 2,769
- Reaction score
- 1,726
If a chimp couldn't bite then I'd be less afraid of one, but they can/do. I'd rather get knocked out then have a chimp bite my dick off.
Even my 7 lb cat is an absolute menace with her claws. I'd beat her, but she'd fuck me up with her claws in the process.
Anything that bites/has claws and can use them is going to cause some serious damage .
Even my 7 lb cat is an absolute menace with her claws. I'd beat her, but she'd fuck me up with her claws in the process.
Anything that bites/has claws and can use them is going to cause some serious damage .
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2022
- Messages
- 4,376
- Reaction score
- 8,487
With all due respect, you was let them join the (still) growing Power Slap so we was at least have apple/apple instead orange apple here, my #UFCFriend Joe Rogan.
This way we can convert chimp force to Human Force via slap combine. Then we get Slap Score (think like NFL QVR score but more science) so can compare across weight class, and (theoretically) across specie.
This way we can convert chimp force to Human Force via slap combine. Then we get Slap Score (think like NFL QVR score but more science) so can compare across weight class, and (theoretically) across specie.
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2010
- Messages
- 5,430
- Reaction score
- 3,055
I had a friend get jumped when I lived in the city. His 35-40 pound pitbull dragged one of them up and down the street like he was a child.
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2007
- Messages
- 4,184
- Reaction score
- 3,644
Not sure about badgers so I won't talk out my ass about them, but humans can beat Wolverine's in fights. It would be very painful, but humans are really big animals in the grand scheme of things.
Wolverine's are famous because they are ferocious not because they kill humans (wolverine's have never killed, or even bothered to fight humans despite popular belief).
Most people are sane and never punched or kicked something weighing only 30 pounds so they don't know how lethal they are. I'd imagine it wouldn't look pretty for the little guy, even if they were all muscle. If you kicked a dog with all your might in its face it would get knocked the f out.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2013
- Messages
- 22,238
- Reaction score
- 12,163
I thinks its more about who would win a fight if a human or badger/woverine fought and not whether or not they dislike humans and would attack you. For whatever reason we're in a fight with a wolverine and I don't think the person would win.
