Legendary Self Defense stories...

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xMikeyX

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Anyone have any legendary self defense stories?

Here's one of my personal favorites...

I walked into McDonalds New Year's day 2 years ago in Downtown NYC near the South Street Seaport and this guy was totally harassing the employees and being a total dick- I was just looking at him and instantly had my scowl on- I looked him up and down and was like who is this wet crack noodle.

ANYWAYS...

He starts stepping to me as I'm on line and dropping some flipper bombs in my direction and being like "What the fuck you looking at Robocop!?" To which I reply, "Leave right now! (Like Robocop would)" and he definetly starts asking me, "Are you a cop" and tries to get up into my grill but alas the force field of whether or not I'm a cop sets in and he can't bring himself to come within 3 feet of me. He mentions something to the affect of him dropping me to which everyone in the McDonalds starts laughing (from the Indian managers to old men on line and even homeless people on line) and I smirk and say, "How much do you weigh and how much do you think I weigh?" He leaves all pissed off at that moment. When I go to order my meal the manager personally delivers it to me free of charge and says thank you. I looked for the guy outside but he was long gone. Free egg mcmuffin with cheese!
 
Don't remember Robocop eating at all. This guy isn't robocop. It's a work.

Robocop would have used the word "citizen".
 
I think mentioning your size and appearance might help the story make a bit more sense.
 
I walked into KFC one dark autumn evening. It was raining lightly outside and the moon was out unusually early. While I was standing in line waiting for my chicken, I noticed that one of the cooks in the back didn't look quite "right".

My suspicious soon turned out to be correct, in a far worse way then I could have imagined. As I kept a close eye on this employee, I noticed that he was wearing a gi. I thought this was strange for an employee at a KFC.

The employee must have noticed me staring as things started to escalate. Knowing that immediate action must be taken, I jumped the counter. I assumed since he was wearing a gi that he was a sandbagger, so I knew I must get a weapon.

I grabbed the two biggest drumsticks I could find from the warmer and yelled "whats up now, bitch!". My friends were all like "daaaaaamn" and "sheeeeet doggg", but I didn't even notice them as I was completely focused.

It turns out the employee just had a lazy eye, and I was arrested.
 
I thought you were going to beat the guy up...that was a bad ending
 
Damn!
Next time i'm entering a fast food joint i will be combat ready.
Chin down, shuffling in, hands up.
Can't be too careful i see.
 
I fought this guy who was dressed up like a clown and kept laughing as I hit him. It was back home in Gotham City. Beat his ass though
 
Killa_78 said:
I fought this guy who was dressed up like a clown and kept laughing as I hit him. It was back home in Gotham City. Beat his ass though
Click to expand...

Are you the same guy who beat the crap out of this short, fat guy who had a huge nose? You fight pretty well, but it took you a while to beat up a clown since you were wearing armor that gives you superhuman strength and all.
 
I got sucker punched once then i started hitting the guy and ripped his shirt off. then got tackled by some other dude and kicked in the head. but at least i got his shirt
 
and i thought it would *suck*, with assorted lamers troting out sel***grandizing stories about heir ifghting prowess
 
short story:

A really hot girl at a club once started coming on to me on the dance floor. I started dancing with her and all the sudden comes this troll with rap clothing and a bandana on his forehead swearing at me (I couldn't understand half of what he was saying because of the loud music), he goes and swings at me, I dodge go to his back and do a standing RNC on him that puts the guy to sleep... After I revived him, and spoke to him outside the club I understood that the girl coming on to me was his girlfriend... It looked too good to be true, a hot girl just coming out of the blue like that :)

needles to say, I when home empty handed :D... Loser!
 
I used to get picked on a lot as kid so I wanted to learn jitz well I learned striking too here is a video of my last tournament:

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I'm like 200 lbs (5'9") and at that time was like 190 doing yoga at least 2 hours a day, 7 days a week and studying Judo (in very good shape, very flexible, and also practicing striking with people 1 x a week, a boxing class 1 x a week, and a Bob dummy everytime I went to either yoga or anything else). I actually looked like I was 175 even though I was 190. I always have a smile on my face even when I try and act mad (which is pointless).

The gentleman had to have been no more than 145 in a 5'9 frame. He looked the same size as the manager behind the counter. So I guess I should have mentioned that along with my stare of disapproval and refusal to accept his threat (which received a mutual laugh from everyone around), I did not feel threatened by him. I was waiting to annihilate any attempt made by him to hit me or otherwise- if he had simply reached into his pocket he would have been bum rushed with my head in his sternum, donkey punched, shoe lace high crotched, and swung either into the deep fryer, or down a flight of stairs sideways, but he chose the path of least resistance. (Please take my self defense scenario as merely the mentality I possess when getting attacked- please dont make me doom you.)

The thing is I always have had no problem telling someone to get out or have some respect. If he would have approached me I would have easily used the years of self defense wisdom I have been taught but it seems that whenever some shit goes down, all I have to do is tell someone to stop and they do. And I'm not vicious or anything- I'm just stern and clear. I feel like martial arts creates an aura around those that practice it that says "Don't be stupid around me or you'll be made to feel like a child being punished" and doofbags generally stay away.

I also wanted to hear your stories. I could have posted stories about unintentionally hurting people but I feel like those are out of context and not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear times when you saved the day... when a bully became bullied, etc.
 
kimurense' story of the hot girl and the bar reminded me of one...
I rarely drink or go to bars but this was during a dark period in my life (divorce / mad at the world) and I went to a rough bar (the kind where they ask if you're carrying a knife or a gun and if you tell them no they issue you one). While there I ran into one of my students. I went to the restroom and when I returned Jimmy had a beautiful little Cherokee girl with him. As I walked up he told her that he couldn't help her but she would probably like to meet me (at this time I was thinking "all right Jimmy, I see a promotion in your near future"). She tells me this story of woe about some ex-boyfriend who stalked her around and how she would like to leave the bar and go somewhere he wouldn't find her. About this time the door to the bar slams open and a HUGE Indian guy (about 6'-6" & 240#) steps in with a gigantic Bowie knife (12" blade) in his hand. He quickly scans the bar and his gaze settles on me with a scowling look of murder in his eye. I'm thinking "oh cr@p, how do I get out of this". The door man and 2 bouncers immediately jump on the guy and drag him out the door kicking and screaming. Needles to say I ascertained that the girl was not hot enough to warrant the imminent danger that accompanied her so I extricated myself from the situation and left.
I may be crazy but my Momma only raised one fool and we call him Brother.
 
Sorry, you all fail compared to the California Kid

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Wrestleben said:
I walked into KFC one dark autumn evening. It was raining lightly outside and the moon was out unusually early. While I was standing in line waiting for my chicken, I noticed that one of the cooks in the back didn't look quite "right".

My suspicious soon turned out to be correct, in a far worse way then I could have imagined. As I kept a close eye on this employee, I noticed that he was wearing a gi. I thought this was strange for an employee at a KFC.

The employee must have noticed me staring as things started to escalate. Knowing that immediate action must be taken, I jumped the counter. I assumed since he was wearing a gi that he was a sandbagger, so I knew I must get a weapon.

I grabbed the two biggest drumsticks I could find from the warmer and yelled "whats up now, bitch!". My friends were all like "daaaaaamn" and "sheeeeet doggg", but I didn't even notice them as I was completely focused.

It turns out the employee just had a lazy eye, and I was arrested.
Click to expand...

LOL, this is by far the best story.
 
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