Ok so this one happened 2 years ago. One night I got into an argument with my 3 roommates at our apartment, things got pretty heated and everyone sided against me. So I went for a walk to cool off, I decided to go see a movie. I threw on my overcoat and fedora (it was raining that night, but I didn't feel like taking the subway after being so infuriated by other human beings.) So i went and saw a film, I believe it was a horror film. After I'm walking out of the movie at like 2am I see a woman walking on the other side of the street get her purse snatched by 2 punks. No one else is really around on this particular street for some reason, so I was the only one that saw. Knowing i had to do the right thing, I instantly ran after them. I was a NJ state champ track athlete in high school, so I was able to catch up to them after less than a hundred yards. I lost my hat while I was running. I grabbed the one guy by the back of his jacket and slammed him to the pavement, but turns out the other guy had the purse so I kept running after him. They were obviously scared of me. I caught the other guy in about 10 more seconds, jumped on his back, RNC'd him til he passed out, then picked up the purse. The other kid (most likely about 20) ran away when he saw what happened to his friend. So at this point I'm expecting the woman to have called the cops, but then i remember her phone was probably in her purse. So I turn around and begin to jog back towards where she was, I was expecting her to be standing there still in shock. I couldn't find her at all. I didn't bring my phone with me, I forgot it bc i was so pissed when i left. I opened her purse to see if their was a phone inside so I could call the police, but all I found was a bunch of change, makeup, and a half a gram of coke. the woman looked somewhat wealthy from afar but I never got a good look at her, she was probably in her early 40s. Central park was on the other side of the street (the one I was walking on originally) so i decided to walk into the park real quick to see if she had went that way.
All of the sudden, i get cracked in the face with something. it floored me and as I came to my senses, I see some whackjob with a hockey mask standing there. I was got up and was like WTF and he said he saw me steal the purse. He goes "I hate punkers, especially ones that wear green masks and make-up." I tried explaining to him that i was on his side, but he came at me again, this time with a cricket stick. So it was on. I told him you gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket, then grabbed the stick as he raised it to hit me and seio-nage'd his ass. To my complete and utter suprise, when the guy hit the ground he pulled De la riva and tried to sweep me. I sank my weight on him, got rid of his grips and blasted him in the mask with a left (i'm a southpaw). I passed his open guard because being the SPARTAN, ALPHA MALE, SAVAGE THAT I AM, I have no need for this type of BS and am an awesome guard passer (i'm a 3 stripe white belt). Right as I went to stomp his face in for fucking with me, he grabbed the purse that I dropped earlier when he hit me and smacked me in the face with it. I fell over, rattled by all of the change in the purse. The bag of coke burst open and went straight into my nose as i gasped for air. As i got up he hit me with the cricket bat and I fell into a garbage can. he kicked it over and right as he went to golf putt me into oncoming traffic (for some reason the road was packed with Semi's that night) my boy Stone Cold came out and stunnered his ass. I felt relieved my friend had came to my rescue but as I got out of the garbage can DX (HHH, Shawn Michaels, and Billy Gunn, but absent was X-Pac) showed up and hit him in the head with a motherfucking steel chair. All of the sudden, my 3 roommates Leo Don and Mike jumped up out of the sewer, they must have came looking for me. A gigantic brawl ensued in which Joe Son and I (before he went to prison for gangrape) went around kicking major ass. after we emerged victorious, the cops arrived so we fled down the sewer. After a brief stop at taco bell, I then went home, a hero, and jerked off to anime porn.
