Why does every guy talk about how bad marriage is?

[Contempt]

I’ve been with the same woman for 5 years and she’s fantastic and I enjoy her company. We do a lot together and I think she’s earned it. When our new house is finally finished, I’m going to propose. Can someone please explain what a ceremony changed in your common law partnership?

I’m going to get a prenup to clarify what’s legally mine before we do but besides that, I’m excited about it. Hiding this diamond is going to be difficult.

Here is the HUGE difference dude: You have a girlfriend NOT a wife.

They know very well that the girlfriend stage is the interview for being a wife so they are on their best behavior. Ask many married dudes how drastically their wife's behavior changes not long after they put a ring on it.

It's only after they have your balls legally in a vice that the bait and switch becomes apparent. I have heard the same thing over and over and over again from friends, family, coworkers etc for decades now.

Also, don't put too much faith in prenups as they are regularly thrown out in court.

 

[Contempt]

I just recently got divorced after being with a woman for 15 years. Truth is people change over time. I'm not totally soured on the institution of marriage but going through the pain of a divorce will absolutely play into my future decision making. Ps get that prenup, trust me its worth it

There's a good reason why they refer to marriage as an institution: Men would have to be crazy to enter into one voluntarily.

 

[supermurph]

I've worked blue-collar jobs from a young age and been listening to miserable old pricks warn me about marriage my whole life. Wife won’t bang them, blow them, and put them in credit card hell. Wife won't cook, clean, cheated on them, and they still had to pay alimony after divorce. Wives who gives them an allowance from their own paycheck. Guys who literally take a longer way home after a night shift so they won't see the wife in the morning before she goes to work, guys that would rather work 70 hour weeks than be at their home because they get paid OT at work but work for free at home. Guys who hate their wives, but love their kids so they stick around despite their misery And it's not just a few guys who've told me this. It's the overwhelming majority. You're gonna do what you want, but why ruin things with a marriage? Write down what you have to gain from the marriage and what you have to lose. Just make sure the things on the + side are things a marriage offers (tax break YES. Girl who will love me forever NO...don't need a marraige for this)

Stand in the woods somewhere, tell one another you love each other forever, then tie a leaf stem around one of your fingers. There, you’re married. Just saved you 60 grand on a party.

 

[MrShady]

I'd say if you are in your mid 30s or later and you've thought about it and it makes sense with the woman you've been with for more than a few years, go for it.

If you're in your 20s, you're an idiot.

 

[KungFuFoo]

cause they dont get no poon and their wife scours the card bills so they never get to do NOTHIN alone.

 

[emefer]

I’ve been with the same woman for 5 years and she’s fantastic and I enjoy her company. We do a lot together and I think she’s earned it. When our new house is finally finished, I’m going to propose. Can someone please explain what a ceremony changed in your common law partnership?

I’m going to get a prenup to clarify what’s legally mine before we do but besides that, I’m excited about it. Hiding this diamond is going to be difficult.

Definitely gonna be difficult to hide if you keep wearing it around.

 

[GSP_37]

“Love is blind”

That phrase exists for a reason. How can you tell if someone has good character? That can change over the span of a marriage, how can it be enforced?

Someone here recently made a thread copying and pasting some list of questions that seemed pretty well thought out. Answers to those as well as some scenario what would you do if type things could gauge character. If someone is immature, high probability they will be selfish, conceited, inconsiderate, dishonest, and have other bad traits.

 

[Contempt]

I get you. I am but literally everybody tells me not to get married. All I read online and hear at work is how much guys regret marriage. I find it hard to believe I will because I’ve dated women before that could not compare and I think their problem is they had the wrong partner.

Still, yeah idk I guess I’ve just been programmed to believe marriage is bad but my brain tells me it won’t be and my father always said it was the best thing he ever did. He’s gone now but I know he’d tell me to. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me what I want to hear that it’ll ne fine and hear some positivity for once.

You know all those guys that are telling you they regret it now? They ALL thought the exact same as you do now, every single last one of them and they wouldn't have gotten married if they didn't think they wouldn't regret it and she was the right partner.

...but now here they are trying to warn you from making the same mistakes they did. If you insist on going through with it sherbro, I really hope things work out well for you... but just know tat your odds of "happily ever after" are really not good these days.

 

[Plutoburn]

Content people aren't as motivated to spread their experience on marriage as disgruntled people. Also, bad news travel much faster than good ones.

edit: For the record, I've been happily married for 7 years. Not experiencing any 7 year itch, plan to have kids but then we haven't yet so the real test is yet to come.

 

[fica]

After marriage the blowjobs dry up and the nagging goes up

Ps best of luck up you Sherbro, and may your post marriage BJs be plenty

lol women that nags want that man to create and establish some boundaries for her and if you do not do it she will nag more but if you establish boundaries and she is ok with it great if not then she is a problem

 

[TeTe]

If my wife and I got divorced today, I could collect alimony from her since she makes $30k more a year than I do. But I would never ask that from her. I still make good money.


But maybe that's the difference between men and women and why it ends up being a raw deal for a lot of men. It's all in the attitude

 

[-Magua-]

Not married; I'm seeing someone, but it's pretty casual, atm.
Ended a near 1 year relationship this January.

I'm fairly happy in my overall situation at this point in my life.

While I don't want kids, settling down with the right one prolly be a better way to ease down the road with later: in my 50s onward.
We'll see.

Here's what 2 articles say research indicates in the US.

//////
The research seems clear that even if marriage benefits both men and women, there is more of an upside for men. Men derive greater health benefits from marriage than women. Married fathers receive an earnings boost while mothers receive a penalty. Women are disproportionately likely to end marriages.



The stereotype in our culture is that marriage is an institution that benefits women but costs men, so women try to entrap men into marriage, and men try to stay single for as long as possible, holding onto the freedom they believe women want to take from them.
https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men/#:~:text=The research seems clear that,disproportionately likely to end marriages.

These cultural stereotypes persist despite evidence that marriage serves men much more than women in almost every way. Married men are better off than single men; they are healthier, wealthier, and happier. Single women, however, are better off than married women. Married men are happier than married women, and unmarried women are happier than unmarried men. Divorced men and married women have the highest rates of suicide.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...es-avoid-marriage-it-benefits-them-more-women

 

[shunyata]

I've been with my wife for 19 years.

Marriage with a good woman isn't bad at all.

What you're hearing is the squeaky wheel, the ones with problems make the most sound.

 

[Joe Mama]

This is true. But also, people only remember the good parts of being single. A lot if it is just being no lonely as fuck and doing anything to escape that loneliness.

When there are 3 people involved - its a threesome.

When there are 2 people involved - its a twosome.

That's precisely why they call your single asses - handsome.

 

[Gutter Chris]

If my wife and I got divorced today, I could collect alimony from her since she makes $30k more a year than I do. But I would never ask that from her. I still make good money.


But maybe that's the difference between men and women and why it ends up being a raw deal for a lot of men. It's all in the attitude

Ain't modern life grand lol. I would take my wife to the cleaners if we got divorced and she would sound like the dudes Contempt is talking about. We often joke that she's going to have to finance my mid life crisis

 

[spamking]

My wife and I have been together since 1988. Married in 1992. Two beautiful daughters and one retirement later we still love each other, we're still best friends and we're still growing as a couple. I couldn't imagine going through life and all its struggles with anyone else. As @Gutter Chris said if you go into something preparing for it to not work out it will sometimes not work out because the doubt is already there.

 

[Rob Battisti]

I love being married. Greatest thing in the world.

Sounds like you don’t want to be married.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

“Love is blind”

That phrase exists for a reason. How can you tell if someone has good character? That can change over the span of a marriage, how can it be enforced?

I think I’ve had enough girls with questionable character to tell. Maybe I’m crazy but I have no issues now.

I'd say if you are in your mid 30s or later and you've thought about it and it makes sense with the woman you've been with for more than a few years, go for it.

If you're in your 20s, you're an idiot.

mid-30’s. Had a live in girlfriend before for around 4 years and never thought once about it. Never thought about it before but this time is different.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

I love being married. Greatest thing in the world.

Sounds like you don’t want to be married.

I just don’t care. I don’t think it changes anything at all. I don’t really wanna spend 30k or so on a ceremony but I just spent 30k on a snowmobile so whatever. I’ll do it. I guess I’m just nervous the great thing we have will lose something and I hope it doesn’t because I want to be with this woman forever

 

[Gutter Chris]

My wife and I have been together since 1988. Married in 1992. Two beautiful daughters and one retirement later we still love each other, we're still best friends and we're still growing as a couple. I couldn't imagine going through life and all its struggles with anyone else. As @Gutter Chris said if you go into something preparing for it to not work out it will sometimes not work out because the doubt is already there.

Congratulations on that time put in. Me and my old lady been doing it since we were 15 year old ska kids in 98. It's weird to think back on that this chick I had a crush on as a kid became the most important person in my life. I've watched her grow and she's made me a better person. I don't quite understand how old couples become so bitter. We're still having fun. We've made it through some really hard times and life is probably better than its ever been and constantly getting better.

I've made some giant fuck ups in life. But man did I get it right with her. I think we were made for each other. Took us forever to have our first child and now we're planning our escape from Wayne County before our sons old enough for school. It's always fun to work on couple goals and feel like a team.