Why does every guy talk about how bad marriage is?

[Contempt]

Thread still going huh? OK, might as well leave this here then...

 

[Phlog]

This is a good and mature perspective on the subject.



However I take major issue with this statement. Its simply cope and reinterpretation "emotional bonding".
There is no way shape or form that banging your 50 year old wifes body is on the same level as when she was 25.
Its one factor why guys who hadn't married yet like myself, can still be enticed by the idea and very real possibility of marrying an emotionally mature mid-late 20's girl now in my 40's.
It is what it is, but if you feel its better now for you than ever before thats great and I am happy this aspect came back for you.

Yeah I can see that from a perspective of someone who hasn't been with a partner they've been exploring with for 20yrs.

Sure a 20yr olds body is more objectively attractive than our saggy, veiny stretch marks and yeah, I had great sex with younger women before my wife. But it wasn't as good as the whole package now.

But what makes sex really good, for me, is not about what I'm feeling, it's about what we are feeling. If you and your woman are fully realised aged 20 and understand each other on a deep level I'm sure it could be the same. It takes being honest with yourself and your partner to a level that isn't easily attainable.

For my wife and I nothing is off the table and we know what we want waaaay more than we did. Think of what Bruce lee said: "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Well, my wife and I know how to do our kick pretty fucking well at this point. If I fucked a younger woman the sex would get better over time with them too.

The caveat is ever increasing and developing union.

And yes, there's the emotional bonding also!

 

[Phlog]

Marriage scares the fuck out of me… i love my girl and she asks about when I’m going to propose every other week but I am filled with fear surrounding it. I am scared that she will change or that growth will stop. I have a fear of stagnation in any relationship in my life. I’m also scared of losing my freedom. I don’t cheat and I’m faithful but I need to feel free to travel and work and grow in my personal and business life.

She puts up with A LOT though with me. I have a crazy past and 4 kids (3 mothers and never married). We’ve been together 3 years and she wants that long term stability and to start a family with me.. a part of me feels like I want to give her that but I am also man enough to admit that it scares me. It doesn’t help that I don’t have many examples of what I would consider happy and healthy marriages around me.

Marriage should change absolutely nothing if your relationship is what it should/could be. Imo.

You should be gaining freedom through the development of your relationship and the support you give and get.

With the right relationship you should be more able to travel, work and grow in your personal and business life.

Marriage shouldn't take away!

 

[Ichibanner]

I've been there and done that. My folks are still married so I've been able to see why they're still together and why my own marriage failed.

You have to find a woman from a background that's compatible with yours. You need a woman that's okay with gender roles or at least playing to strengths. You have to constantly communicate and also have to have a plan for a future together.

My parents were raised similarly. My Mom handled bills, appointments, and child school related issues. My Dad took care of house and car maintenance, home security, pest control and the like. They planned vacations, worked toward retirement, and figured out how to communicate how they felt and what had to happen within the household.

My wife and I came from different backgrounds. She thought I could read her mind, she refused to simply ask me to do exactly what she wanted me to do. She had no idea what she wanted for her / our future. Around 50% of American first marriages fail with women initiating divorce 69% of the time. Women get child custody 90% of the time. You can see why today's men often have a poor opinion of marriage.

Keep in mind that you and she will change to whatever extent. Child birth, menopause, decreased libido, change in interests, etc affect a marriage. The size 4 woman that wanted sex 3x / day and enjoyed the beach can become the size 16 mother of kids and now has zero libido, is a home body, and has no want to change. Few of us would have dated, much less married what that woman has become yet many men end up with a wife like that.

My advice is to learn to communicate effectively, plan your future together, don't stop doing the things that make the relationship work and worth having. Best of luck to you.

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Marriage isn't really the life altering event that many think it is.

Having kids is.

Some guys thrive in marriage and parenthood, but make no mistake - you are absolutely giving up 95% of your freedom when the kids come along. It can be very enjoyable and fulfilling, but if you're a man who really enjoys doing what you want, when you want, it's gonna be an adjustment.

Yeah i agree. In my case my family is the best thing in my life. I have a wife and two kids that I don't deserve. Wouldn't change anything if I could as I am blessed.

Of course I do miss being single once in a while and not giving a shit. But I knew what it meant to start a family and I was ready for the sacrifice. There is a weird narrative I heard many times that actually nothing really changes when having a family. This is the biggest lie as actually nothing remains as it was.

 

[chardog]

I simply can't relate to any of this crap you're saying. If you're being awkward about sex that's on you. I was awkward too once. When I was young and inexperienced. You're supposed to grow out of that and learn how to talk to your woman about sex. What she likes. How to get her off. And conversely, sharing with her what you like. It's the basics of being in a relationship. This isn't the 1940s, the sexual revolution was a long time ago.

If you can't talk to a woman about sex how the hell do you know if you are doing it right? Maybe the reason so many marriages end is because the guys are bad at fucking and never bothered to learn or improve their game.

you're not married and you cant comprehend that talking about sex IS AWKWARD, dont take my word for it
reread law talking guy's post, "She got upset for some reason"
you literally say "I was awkward too once"
there is literally an unlimited supply of how to get over the awkwardness of sex ted talk videos, and this thread aint about YOU.

Even if it's easy to talk about, it doesnt mean that there wont be a problem.

lets say there are children involved, that means higher bills, mouths to feed, dinners to prepare, homework to do, toss in age, weight gain, mortgage, and stress.

husband may ask for sex, but what if the answer is No? What exactly are you going to do about it if she simply doesnt want to or make the millions of excuses that are now available, tired, not enough time, don't feel like it, not in the mood, the dog ate my report, I'm on my rag, what then? You can make sure the old lady has the big O every single time, which is mutually exclusive to the frequency of sex. Sexless marriage = no game to be played, dont care how good you think you are in bed, if it's a game you're not playing, then it doesnt matter, if she says NO SEX. What then?

 

[ChickenBrother]

Yeah I can see that from a perspective of someone who hasn't been with a partner they've been exploring with for 20yrs.

Sure a 20yr olds body is more objectively attractive than our saggy, veiny stretch marks and yeah, I had great sex with younger women before my wife. But it wasn't as good as the whole package now.

But what makes sex really good, for me, is not about what I'm feeling, it's about what we are feeling. If you and your woman are fully realised aged 20 and understand each other on a deep level I'm sure it could be the same. It takes being honest with yourself and your partner to a level that isn't easily attainable.

For my wife and I nothing is off the table and we know what we want waaaay more than we did. Think of what Bruce lee said: "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Well, my wife and I know how to do our kick pretty fucking well at this point. If I fucked a younger woman the sex would get better over time with them too.

The caveat is ever increasing and developing union.

And yes, there's the emotional bonding also!

 

[DanSavage]

 

[Makesuthink]

you're not married and you cant comprehend that talking about sex IS AWKWARD, dont take my word for it
reread law talking guy's post, "She got upset for some reason"
you literally say "I was awkward too once"
there is literally an unlimited supply of how to get over the awkwardness of sex ted talk videos, and this thread aint about YOU.

Even if it's easy to talk about, it doesnt mean that there wont be a problem.

lets say there are children involved, that means higher bills, mouths to feed, dinners to prepare, homework to do, toss in age, weight gain, mortgage, and stress.

husband may ask for sex, but what if the answer is No? What exactly are you going to do about it if she simply doesnt want to or make the millions of excuses that are now available, tired, not enough time, don't feel like it, not in the mood, the dog ate my report, I'm on my rag, what then? You can make sure the old lady has the big O every single time, which is mutually exclusive to the frequency of sex. Sexless marriage = no game to be played, dont care how good you think you are in bed, if it's a game you're not playing, then it doesnt matter, if she says NO SEX. What then?

Before marriage, men usually aren't going to be turned down for sex or bjs by their girlfriend. The girlfriend instinctively knows that if the guy is not satisfied, he can very easily leave and get another girl. Pleasing a man is therefore an important part of dating for women.

Once marriage happens - and more importantly children - that mentality is bound to change. Whether consciously or unconsciously, the woman knows that it would be much harder for her man to leave her. So now it's more likely for her to say she's tired at the end of the night and just wants to play on her iPhone than play with her man's privates. So the guy is stuck. If he cheats, he has to feel like a douche bag; and if he gets caught, the woman can divorce him as the victim and come out the winner financially. If the guy doesn't cheat, he suffers in silence. And if the woman simply doesn't care to change after talking about it, you're shit out of luck.

In conclusion, men should simply be aware of what they are getting into when they have a family. Children can be a fulfilling part of life, but everything comes at a cost.

 

[Domitian]

you're not married and you cant comprehend that talking about sex IS AWKWARD, dont take my word for it
reread law talking guy's post, "She got upset for some reason"
you literally say "I was awkward too once"
there is literally an unlimited supply of how to get over the awkwardness of sex ted talk videos, and this thread aint about YOU.

Even if it's easy to talk about, it doesnt mean that there wont be a problem.

lets say there are children involved, that means higher bills, mouths to feed, dinners to prepare, homework to do, toss in age, weight gain, mortgage, and stress.

husband may ask for sex, but what if the answer is No? What exactly are you going to do about it if she simply doesnt want to or make the millions of excuses that are now available, tired, not enough time, don't feel like it, not in the mood, the dog ate my report, I'm on my rag, what then? You can make sure the old lady has the big O every single time, which is mutually exclusive to the frequency of sex. Sexless marriage = no game to be played, dont care how good you think you are in bed, if it's a game you're not playing, then it doesnt matter, if she says NO SEX. What then?

These sound like some good ass reasons to never get married. I'd like to see a list of the pros of being married because the list of cons is like a mile long.

 

[chardog]

These sound like some good ass reasons to never get married. I'd like to see a list of the pros of being married because the list of cons is like a mile long.

They are just honest questions, which i have overcome, but this isn’t about me, more on topic that these are real issues, not just men need to do better generalizations

 

[Broncoi]

mostly because of the divorce prison style rape men are getting

 

[blackheart]

There are good marriages and bad ones. People do change over time but don’t let that deter you as there are plenty of couples making a good life for themselves. Communication is key imo.

I was lucky to be in a great marriage. We had 35 awesome years together until cancer took her away. Of course we had our ups and down like most couples, but we were good for each other and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Ahhh my cold dead heart. You give me hope.

So sorry for your loss man. Truly hope you two can be reunited again someday.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

Move in is getting closer. The clock is ticking on this lol.

 

[terrapin]

no true scotsman?

There's lots of true Scotsman.

 

[Reach Finesse]

Women change significantly after marriage...some good changes, some bad

Just be prepared for it you'll be fine

 

[king hippo]

There's lots of true Scotsman.

marriage is for serious people with a good head on their shoulders, but the modern word doesn't value or incentivize monogamy anymore so people either don't get married or don't take it seriously if they do.

all the best to the married couples out there but the conditions for a good marriage aren't really there anymore.

 

[terrapin]

marriage is for serious people with a good head on their shoulders, but the modern word doesn't value or incentivize monogamy anymore so people either don't get married or don't take it seriously if they do.

all the best to the married couples out there but the conditions for a good marriage aren't really there anymore.

But anybody can make the conditions for one in their own home, especially if they're rooted in religion and a genuine spiritual practice, which is what everyone I know is doing.

Saying the conditions for marriage are not there anymore is the same as saying that children are f***** and that every generation will be worse than the one before them.

That's pretty bleak.

 

[chardog]

Before marriage, men usually aren't going to be turned down for sex or bjs by their girlfriend. The girlfriend instinctively knows that if the guy is not satisfied, he can very easily leave and get another girl. Pleasing a man is therefore an important part of dating for women.

Once marriage happens - and more importantly children - that mentality is bound to change. Whether consciously or unconsciously, the woman knows that it would be much harder for her man to leave her. So now it's more likely for her to say she's tired at the end of the night and just wants to play on her iPhone than play with her man's privates. So the guy is stuck. If he cheats, he has to feel like a douche bag; and if he gets caught, the woman can divorce him as the victim and come out the winner financially. If the guy doesn't cheat, he suffers in silence. And if the woman simply doesn't care to change after talking about it, you're shit out of luck.

In conclusion, men should simply be aware of what they are getting into when they have a family. Children can be a fulfilling part of life, but everything comes at a cost.

yes this is the common thought, you're shit out of luck, there is an imbalance of power.

you would think it's hopeless, however, it's not. In good times, you need to openly communicate with your wife and you need to come to an agreement, very early on in the relationship, that sex is not only necessary, but sex is literally on the calendar/phone alerts/sticky on fridge. No matter how busy life gets, wednesday and saturday evening (could be any days), we're going to do it, even if it's 2am, those are the days. Both agree on it, reminders all through the week, and get reinforced agreements all through the week (you'll need this eventually), and on those days, all the prep work is done, and the deed is going to be enforced, NO MATTER WHAT (99% of the time). If the partner makes excuses, you hold them responsible. It may take years of practice to enforce the schedule before it becomes second nature, and on certain nights, they'll just walk to bed naked and ready, you have to train your spouse. Once a blue moon, they'll huff and puff and you hold their word to the fire, they would rather do the work then be called out as a liar

 

[Mujeriego]

Yeah I can see that from a perspective of someone who hasn't been with a partner they've been exploring with for 20yrs.

Sure a 20yr olds body is more objectively attractive than our saggy, veiny stretch marks and yeah, I had great sex with younger women before my wife. But it wasn't as good as the whole package now.

But what makes sex really good, for me, is not about what I'm feeling, it's about what we are feeling. If you and your woman are fully realised aged 20 and understand each other on a deep level I'm sure it could be the same. It takes being honest with yourself and your partner to a level that isn't easily attainable.

For my wife and I nothing is off the table and we know what we want waaaay more than we did. Think of what Bruce lee said: "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Well, my wife and I know how to do our kick pretty fucking well at this point. If I fucked a younger woman the sex would get better over time with them too.

The caveat is ever increasing and developing union.

And yes, there's the emotional bonding also!

Girls 25+ are just better at it.
19-24 year old dont really know what to do.