You think you had a bad V-Day?

[waiguoren]

I feel everyone in a relationship needs to have the ability to be comfortable while independent.

Don't really agree. I've seen couples with one member or both totally dependent on the other without having serious problems. My grandparents were this way. My own relationship is this way with my wife being very dependent. She is highly capable to handle everything on her own but she loves to rely on me instead. It borders on a need. We're going strong after 10 years.

 

[Drenalin]

All right. How do you currently feel, would you be willing to patch shit up?

'cos right now I'm thinking about your kids. If you're blessed with their healthy birth, they deserve to have both their parents and a model on how to have and live in a functional family. I know it's a lot to ask and possibly something neither of you are very hot on currently, but I quote another wise man on love:

Some food for thought.

Again, I have immense sympathy for your situation, it is a brutal one to be in.

I would patch things up in a heart beat, but unfortunately that's all on her right now. She won't even talk to me about it. I told her we agreed to raise kids together. My idea of rasing kids wasn't in a shared custody relationship from the very beginning. This is a commitment we made together & she can't bail on it. I want my kids raised in a normal enviroment with her & I in a stable relationship. Just like we agreed upon. I've told her all of this & she says nothing.

Right now I will obviously have trust issues with her, but I'm willing to put those aside for the kids. There's absolutely no way either of us can care for 2 newborns, while alone. Let alone the fact that we both work full time. I'm not sure how long she'll stay away for, but I do know neither one of us will have a choice, but to make things work once the babies are born.

 

[Drenalin]

Don't really agree. I've seen couples with one member or both totally dependent on the other without having serious problems. My grandparents were this way. My own relationship is this way with my wife being very dependent. She is highly capable to handle everything on her own but she loves to rely on me instead. It borders on a need. We're going strong after 10 years.

And once you add kids to the mix, everything gets more complicated.

 

[Thurisaz]

I would patch things up in a heart beat, but unfortunately that's all on her right now. She won't even talk to me about it. I told her we agreed to raise kids together. My idea of rasing kids wasn't in a shared custody relationship from the very beginning. This is a commitment we made together & she can't bail on it. I want my kids raised in a normal enviroment with her & I in a stable relationship. Just like we agreed upon. I've told her all of this & she says nothing.

Right now I will obviously have trust issues with her, but I'm willing to put those aside for the kids. There's absolutely no way either of us can care for 2 newborns, while alone. Let alone the fact that we both work full time. I'm not sure how long she'll stay away for, but I do know neither one of us will have a choice, but to make things work once the babies are born.

You're a good man. You will have to fight for your family, but as long as you fight for it and not against her, you'll give a good example and stay on the right path. Yours is not the easiest one, but I'm rooting for you.

Keep us sherbros informed of how you're doing.

 

[Drenalin]

You're a good man. You will have to fight for your family, but as long as you fight for it and not against her, you'll give a good example and stay on the right path. Yours is not the easiest one, but I'm rooting for you.

Keep us sherbros informed of how you're doing.

Thanks man. I'll be alright. I don't have a choice. And yeah I'll only worry about what I can control right now & I'll be nothing but nice to her. My only priority in life right now is preparing myself to be a single father of two babies.

 

[Oblivian]

Don't really agree. I've seen couples with one member or both totally dependent on the other without having serious problems. My grandparents were this way. My own relationship is this way with my wife being very dependent. She is highly capable to handle everything on her own but she loves to rely on me instead. It borders on a need. We're going strong after 10 years.

I'm in an industry where I deal with people in divorce situations, estate situations, when their spouse is out of town, etc. Can it work? Sure, but I can tell you I've seen a lot people that get completely lost without their spouse there. That is not a good situation. I see it in the reverse a lot when a wife is sick or whatever and the husband can't even feed himself or keep the house clean. To me, that's not ideal at all.

On a personal level, I don't know why you'd prefer things being that way. My wife and I split up some responsibilities, and the last thing that I'd want is my wife to put everything on me. She's an educated, capable adult. Granted - there are a few exceptions (she's never mowed the lawn for example), but in general, both of us at one time or another have handled everything the other spouse typically does.

Another quick example that I have is that my neighbors are like that. They are very religious and traditional. The wife cooks and cleans, but the husband does almost everything else. Well now, the husband who is an engineer has to travel a few weeks out of the year. She's lost. I end up taking out their trash, mowing their lawn, etc. If a breaker flips, she's fucked. Lol.

 

[WiolentOne]

My pregnant girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago. We decided to have kids together & she dumped me 9 weeks into being pregnant with twins. She told me she's unhappy & she wants to be alone. Wouldn't talk to me about anything, she just up & left. Pregnancy turned her into a completely different person. I don't know if it was hormones or what, but she did a 180. She blocked me out of her life in every way. How you tell someone you want to have kids & then bail on them once you become pregnant is fucking insane. Not to mention I've never been as close to anyone in life as I have her. I seriously could not have treated her any better. Meanwhile I'm working my ass off to prepare myself to be a single father. Literally working 7 days a week & 12+ hours a day. Finally last night she sends me one text which is the first time I've heard from her since she left. She told me she's pregnant with monoamniotic twins, which is an extremely high risk pregancy. Only happens in 1-35,000 to 1-60,000 pregnancies. Basically it will take a miracle for both babies to be born healthy. These next 6 months will be a fucking nightmare.

I used to feel down on Valentine's when I was lonely. Man if I only knew how bad it could really be.

Get a DNA test. I'm serious. Get a fucking DNA test. In the meantime be there for her like you would if you had no doubts. But get a DNA test.

 

[Drenalin]

Get a DNA test. I'm serious. Get a fucking DNA test. In the meantime be there for her like you would if you had no doubts. But get a DNA test.

I will. Legally I'll have to anyway

 

[WiolentOne]

Also, I'm sure it's been mentioned already but preggo women can do crazy shit due to the hormones. Try not to hold shit against her. If I were you, and i loved this chick and wanted a family...I would try to win her back by any means necessary. Do whatever it takes. Show up at her place. Call and text her. Flowers etc etc.

You don't want to look back and think you couldn't have tried everything to make it work. Especially with kids involved.

 

[WalkenWouldOwn]

She is gonna give birth to an Ipad.

Has that joke been made already? I didn't read past the first post.

 

[Drenalin]

I'm in an industry where I deal with people in divorce situations, estate situations, when their spouse is out of town, etc. Can it work? Sure, but I can tell you I've seen a lot people that get completely lost without their spouse there. That is not a good situation. I see it in the reverse a lot when a wife is sick or whatever and the husband can't even feed himself or keep the house clean. To me, that's not ideal at all.

On a personal level, I don't know why you'd prefer things being that way. My wife and I split up some responsibilities, and the last thing that I'd want is my wife to put everything on me. She's an educated, capable adult. Granted - there are a few exceptions (she's never mowed the lawn for example), but in general, both of us at one time or another have handled everything the other spouse typically does.

Another quick example that I have is that my neighbors are like that. They are very religious and traditional. The wife cooks and cleans, but the husband does almost everything else. Well now, the husband who is an engineer has to travel a few weeks out of the year. She's lost. I end up taking out their trash, mowing their lawn, etc. If a breaker flips, she's fucked. Lol.

All of that makes sense. Honestly though I think it just shows how pampered some people are. Anyone whose lived independently before, shouldn't have those problems. Unless of course they're just lazy.

I guess that's hypocritical of me to say because when my girlfriend lived with me, I did everything. I cooked (half the time), cleaned, did dishes, took out trash & did errands. Not because she couldn't do it, but because I just like to make her life as easy as possible. She would spoil me sometimes too so it was kind of a fair trade off. That being said, neither of us were dependent on eachother because we were independent for our entire adult lives.

 

[WiolentOne]

She is gonna give birth to an Ipad.

Has that joke been made already? I didn't read past the first post.

Dude, save your old and stupid jokes for another thread.

 

[WalkenWouldOwn]

Dude, save your old and stupid jokes for another thread.

 

[Drenalin]

Also, I'm sure it's been mentioned already but preggo women can do crazy shit due to the hormones. Try not to hold shit against her. If I were you, and i loved this chick and wanted a family...I would try to win her back by any means necessary. Do whatever it takes. Show up at her place. Call and text her. Flowers etc etc.

You don't want to look back and think you couldn't have tried everything to make it work. Especially with kids involved.

Hormones have been mentioned many times & I think they play a roll here.

I tried to win her back as soon as she left, but she wanted space so I think I did more warm than good. She hates it when I bring up my feelings. Plus I pissed her off by telling her mom that she left. Right now I'm just sitting back & hoping she's changes. It's only been 3 & half weeks so I'll try to be patient for now

 

[Banchan]

You don't know the situation better than I do. You think you do & that's just weird. Also you do realize I have no choice but to get a DNA test. If we stay separated, I can only get custody if it's proven I'm the father with a DNA test. Not only that, if she wants child support, my state will mandate that I get a DNA test. And you say I'm too sacred to get DNA test? That's just you believing what you want to believe.

Im sorry but i still feel like

I know that perhaps i shouldn't say that out loud in hindsight but i would feel wrong saying "aw i hope everything works out" when i would be thinking theyre not your kids.

My point about dna is that i dont think she will outright cut you off and you will not get it done because you think theyre yours and it would start bad blood with the mother that youre suggesting she slept around so you wont bring it up or immediately get cut down if you tried and with her letting you see them you just wont.

Anyway i wish you all the best.

 

[Banchan]

Also, I'm sure it's been mentioned already but preggo women can do crazy shit due to the hormones. Try not to hold shit against her. If I were you, and i loved this chick and wanted a family...I would try to win her back by any means necessary. Do whatever it takes. Show up at her place. Call and text her. Flowers etc etc.

You don't want to look back and think you couldn't have tried everything to make it work. Especially with kids involved.

If you let her see tyrone and she may

 

[Drenalin]

Im sorry but i still feel like

I know that perhaps i shouldn't say that out loud in hindsight but i would feel wrong saying "aw i hope everything works out" when i would be thinking theyre not your kids.

My point about dna is that i dont think she will outright cut you off and you will not get it done because you think theyre yours and it would start bad blood with the mother that youre suggesting she slept around so you wont bring it up or immediately get cut down if you tried and with her letting you see them you just wont.

Anyway i wish you all the best.

So since she wants to be alone, that means they're not my kids? I can see how you would say there's a chance they're not my kids, because there's that chance with every pregnancy. But the fact that you're a dead set on the fact she cheated, just shows you have a biased opinion. Even if she had cheated, it'd still be almost certain that I'm the father. We had sex hundreds of times & then right after we decide to conceive, she gets pregnant. You honestly think that's a coincidence? Like I said you have some kind of psychological issues with men. The way you go on & on about cheating because of the fact she wants to be alone, is bizarre. And you can say the babies aren't mine all you want, but you can't deny that they're most likely mine. The odds are definitely against you. If you have any idea how conception works, you would understand that.

Also you're full of shit when you say you wish me the best. You don't say the things you have in this thread if you wish someone the best. You're just saying that because you know you come across as bitch. I'm sure you're hoping the kids aren't mine so then you can say I told you so. That's the sign of person with serious mental issues.

To be honest with you, I think you've been mistreated or ignored by men throughout your life and you're getting some sort of gratification out of this thread. I could be wrong, but there's no doubt you have issues.

 

[koolinkunming]

That sounds awful. I figured out a while ago that one of the main attributes that I need in a woman is her ability to be independent, have her own hobbies, and be able to handle grown up shit by herself. I honestly think it's bad with guys as well. A lot of "alphas" talk about their wife cooking for them, doing all the cleaning, etc., but I think being that dependent on a woman is pretty much the opposite of "alpha". I feel everyone in a relationship needs to have the ability to be comfortable while independent.

Wanting to be close or emotionally "needy" doesn't necessarily mean a lack of independence or inability to get things done on your own. It's more like support, being that rock who your partner can depend on. We have our own lives and hobbies and work etc, but are also dependent on each other for support as well, and that includes sharing responsibilities in our daily lives with chores around the house or errands outside or whatever. Teamwork and emotional support. That's more what I mean. But yes, we actually enjoy being around each other all the time, as our personalities and interests mesh so well.

 

[Banchan]

So since she wants to be alone, that means they're not my kids? I can see how you would say there's a chance they're not my kids, because there's that chance with every pregnancy. But the fact that you're a dead set on the fact she cheated, just shows you have a biased opinion. Even if she had cheated, it'd still be almost certain that I'm the father. We had sex hundreds of times & then right after we decide to conceive, she gets pregnant. You honestly think that's a coincidence? Like I said you have some kind of psychological issues with men. The way you go on & on about cheating because of the fact she wants to be alone, is bizarre. And you can say the babies aren't mine all you want, but you can't deny that they're most likely mine. The odds are definitely against you. If you have any idea how conception works, you would understand that.

Also you're full of shit when you say you wish me the best. You don't say the things you have in this thread if you wish someone the best. You're just saying that because you know you come across as bitch. I'm sure you're hoping the kids aren't mine so then you can say I told you so. That's the sign of person with serious mental issues.

To be honest with you, I think you've been mistreated or ignored by men throughout your life and you're getting some sort of gratification out of this thread. I could be wrong, but there's no doubt you have issues.

I do wish you the best. Honestly i wouldnt wish that situation on anyone. I may be poking fun at times but i seriously believe in what i said. I think theres someone else.

 

[s karlyle]

My pregnant girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago. We decided to have kids together & she dumped me 9 weeks into being pregnant with twins. She told me she's unhappy & she wants to be alone. Wouldn't talk to me about anything, she just up & left. Pregnancy turned her into a completely different person. I don't know if it was hormones or what, but she did a 180. She blocked me out of her life in every way. How you tell someone you want to have kids & then bail on them once you become pregnant is fucking insane. Not to mention I've never been as close to anyone in life as I have her. I seriously could not have treated her any better. Meanwhile I'm working my ass off to prepare myself to be a single father. Literally working 7 days a week & 12+ hours a day. Finally last night she sends me one text which is the first time I've heard from her since she left. She told me she's pregnant with monoamniotic twins, which is an extremely high risk pregancy. Only happens in 1-35,000 to 1-60,000 pregnancies. Basically it will take a miracle for both babies to be born healthy. These next 6 months will be a fucking nightmare.

I used to feel down on Valentine's when I was lonely. Man if I only knew how bad it could really be.

Hmmmmm Wish I could say I was surprise.