Dating and the Woman as Detective!

John Wang said:
Basically..

-OP afraid his gfs will find out he wasn't very dominant in his past
-OP not even dominant currently
-OP prob lying about having a gf
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Dammit busted! :oops:

You been snooping my social media to decipher that? :mad:
 
IIIIIIII said:
for me it has. to be honest, the chicks i've been involved with find it refreshing. once they know that you won't be wondering about the things they've done (which is probably better to not even wonder about lol), they seem to relax and realize that it's fair for both people.
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Ya i have no desire to sleuth out their past.

And as I said, I am not worried about anything in mine. It is just the surreptitious questioning that I dislike. Just come out and say 'I creeped your facebook and followed links to your 'friends' and now have these questions'.
 
Secret Agent said:
This is a good opportunity to practice building anticipation. Every perceived issue grants you insight. One thing this tells you is you're living in a world where information is expected to be right at your fingertips, but you should also be aware that people are guided by curiosity and intrigue. The act of discovery can be painful, but not if you know how to work with it. Rather than lament, you should see how use these keys to flirt, tease, and foreplay. It's all in the mind.
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Can't get there.

Can't have someone trying to surreptitiously out me for what they think might be dishonesty while they are trying to hide their snooping and dishonesty.

If they come clean first I am more than willing to play. But once I realize they are fishing I won't bite.
 
MoparOrNoCar said:
I always say to lay all the ground rules down in the very beginning so there's no questions later on.

I've dealt with the detective shit and it's a relationship killer when the one you love is trying to peer through your past and has your current life under surveillance to try and find a reason to justify their insecurities.
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I guess I have to try this approach and be crystal clear as it has cost me two dating relationships in the last few years that otherwise had potential.
 
chrisdiaz said:
Looking at this from another perspective, Just dont share every personal detail online and theres not too much to worry about. If i see a girl posts pics everyday and tags friends always on social media etc...thats when you bail immediately. Not every girls a narcissistic bitch but the red flags are there. Also, whats the fun of dating someone if you already know everything they've done the last 5 years? sounds pretty boring to me and some shit you just DONT want to know.

Edit: or be a boss and go delete anything incriminating from your facebook. Lots of sloots do this after a relationship so they can be ho's again.
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I don't have anything on my Facebook to hide. I post very little other than travel or family updates. But I do have lots of "friends' and you can often discern more about where I've been through their posts and pictures.

That is a big part of what what causes them stress. They get a piece of the picture or puzzle but cannot fill in the gaps and it eats them up and they start to try ad fish out answers.
 
I encourage woman to google me - in the word's of Brad Paisley, I'm so much cooler online.
 
dont post many pics on social media

keep your whoring to the messenger

keep friends list private so she cant see ur a fuckboi

easy peasy
 
mjmj said:
Okay, makes more sense now.
But that's female behavior 101. Women like to test you to see if you're into them or not. You're 49, surely this isn't news to you?

And are you meeting them online?
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I have definitely dated prior lots. But this level of snooping is new to me and its troubling. No good comes from it imo for the gal or the guys. No one should expect anyone to account for every minute of every day just because I can't figure out where you were or what you were doing.

Meet most gals in person but will do the odd 'online' date.
 
MikeMcMann said:
I've been dating now for about 5 years since divorcing and must say I love it. I find the women options for me at this age are fantastic and I can date across a big age range.

However,

And there is always a however...

Anytime I start getting somewhat serious about a girl it becomes clear that she has used social media and other avenues to try and piece together every piece of my life and every interaction I've had with other females.

And I am not naïve and do not think they should not look but twice now, as things have got more serious, I am shocked by how much they have correlated and how deeply they have snooped.

And it causes problems as typically only having a portion of the picture raises more doubts in the gal than it answers. And as doubts pile up I have seen the gal start to lose 'trust'. But they have a problem as they do not want to admit who they know what they know (snooping) and therefore have to ask veiled and leading questions to try and figure it out. Questions i just won't answer even if the answer is benign because I want them to own up to their snooping. If you're trying to catch me being sneaky or deceitful (which I am not) then own up to your sneakiness and deceit.

it has caused real issues for me with the ladies withholding 'how they have come to the questions they have' but demanding I answer vague and leading questions. Basically I say F-You (more gently) as I just hate that game. And they then claim it is becoming a 'trust' issue.

So my question sherbro's is are you finding the same thing? Gals as super sleuths or are you a super sleuth doing that to the people you date? Do you like it? Accept it? do you answer vague and leading questions without first knowing where the question is coming from?

this issue may just see me only dating and moving on to the next one for a long time. I really do not have anything to hide in my life (pretty open book) but I do hate snoops and particularly hate leading, veiled questions.
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  • Real women don't use the internet to get to know you, they spend time with you.
  • Delete your social media accounts. Unless they are for work, why do you really need them?
  • If you need social media for your kids, set up a special account that only they can access w/ no photo or update sharing abilities.
  • If you're confronted with details of your life that are private, ask them if they have things they would prefer you not know until later in the relationship. A rational person can see the point.
  • B*tches be crazy. If you're ex- isn't fat, homicidal, adulterous and/or currently infected with the AIDZ get back with her. Single life is for suckers.
 
my gf went thru me sent emails lookin for dirt on me....
 
MikeMcMann said:
Ha you sound like a chick (joke. kind of..)

No that is not it. Incomplete information will always leave questions and just cause she has questions does not mean there are not good answers.

So a direct example of something that came up was that I somewhat regularly can have lunches or dinners with Female executives we do business with just as I do the male. Many of which I am connected to on LinkedIn or Facebook.

It became clear to me by the nature of the probing questions that not only had the gal gone through my facebook but she had followed links to my connections (particularly the females) and because this lady executive had posted a picture of the food at the restaurant we had lunch at saying something like 'great food at lunch at XYZ' and i had mentioned to my gal I was having a business lunch at that location but not gone into further detail, she was now snooping to try and figure out if I was there with her and who else was there.

So I am getting questions like

- oh so how was that lunch the other day (me - fine)
- how many of you went to that lunch (me - a few)
- oh it was work? guys and gals or just guys or girls (me - both. Why?)
- oh I am just curious. (she now shuts down because it is clear I am going to start asking questions)


now weeks later this lunch comes back up and she still does not want to disclose snooping thru my facebooks links to try and track me but I know her questions are coming from somewhere. She cannot have this type of specific issue without some specific knowledge and so I directly confront her on it saying why don't you just come out and tell me what you think you know without trying to beat around the bush because I can tell you have some issue but you are avoiding asking directly.

And she spills the beans on how, and I tell her the situation.

it is and was no big deal but her snooping made her gain a doubt solely based on her not having an answer to a question she not even know to ask. I've had a very similar situation a year prior with a girlfriend (not just a girl I was dating) who had snooped my emails and social media and other stuff and never let me know she had so many questions and things bothering her as she could nto answer them until we finally had a big fight and the laundry list came out. WHAT ABOUT THIS? WHAT ABOUT THAT? All of which were things she could only get partial info on and were eating her up. I broke up with her over that even though there were good answers to all.
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Why don't you either:

A) be more forthcoming when you are going out with other chicks

Or

B) prevent said chicks from tagging you in social media. Seems very odd they would be constantly tagging you for "business lunches" in the first place.

When I have a girlfriend we naturally share what we did that day as a regular part of conversation. No need to pry.
 
MikeMcMann said:
I don't have anything on my Facebook to hide. I post very little other than travel or family updates. But I do have lots of "friends' and you can often discern more about where I've been through their posts and pictures.

That is a big part of what what causes them stress. They get a piece of the picture or puzzle but cannot fill in the gaps and it eats them up and they start to try ad fish out answers.
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Why does your girlfriend have to go on Facebook to figure out what you are doing in the first replace? You don't share anything with her?
 
Don't be an online idiot and you have nothing to worry about. People these days WTF , keep your shit to yourself, the only people that give a shit about following your every move on Facebook are just other idiots.
 
I avoid social networking when it comes to dating. It's better if your past is a mystery to women at first; If they want to find out more about you; they need to do it threw dating. No one needs to know your life story from the get-go.
 
blaseblah said:
Why don't you either:

A) be more forthcoming when you are going out with other chicks

Or

B) prevent said chicks from tagging you in social media. Seems very odd they would be constantly tagging you for "business lunches" in the first place.

When I have a girlfriend we naturally share what we did that day as a regular part of conversation. No need to pry.
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A) we had only been on two dates by the point of that specific lunch and I do not think I should be explaining my whereabouts months later when we were only two dates in

and

A) I have all sorts of work meetings with men and women all the time. How am I to know which of them might post a Facebook link to a lunch or dinner I told her I was going on and that she is then going to start trying out who this woman was or what the lunch/dinner was?

B) there was no tag. My gal was obviously looking through my Facebook friends and checking their walls (I am guessing only the good looking ladies) and she put 2 + 2 together. I had told her I had a work lunch on Tuesday and then she sees this gal (good looking) in my friends list posting 'having lunch at XYZ and enjoying their great food' and so now she is suspicious. Was this really a work lunch? Was it just the two of us?

When in relationship I always share to but sharing does not mean disclosing every person I met or talked to or every place I went. And that is the problem. If they find one thing you did not disclose they assume their a reason for not doing so and that is wrong.
 
This is just further proof that I am on the right track in having virtually no social media presence at all.
 
I find all but a couple very specific personality types of women nosy it's kind of the nature of the beast. If you're a desirable guy then you just gotta deal with it brother. Even some of my friends whom I'm not fucking are always up in my business.
 
MikeMcMann said:
A) we had only been on two dates by the point of that specific lunch and I do not think I should be explaining my whereabouts months later when we were only two dates in

and

A) I have all sorts of work meetings with men and women all the time. How am I to know which of them might post a Facebook link to a lunch or dinner I told her I was going on and that she is then going to start trying out who this woman was or what the lunch/dinner was?

B) there was no tag. My gal was obviously looking through my Facebook friends and checking their walls (I am guessing only the good looking ladies) and she put 2 + 2 together. I had told her I had a work lunch on Tuesday and then she sees this gal (good looking) in my friends list posting 'having lunch at XYZ and enjoying their great food' and so now she is suspicious. Was this really a work lunch? Was it just the two of us?

When in relationship I always share to but sharing does not mean disclosing every person I met or talked to or every place I went. And that is the problem. If they find one thing you did not disclose they assume their a reason for not doing so and that is wrong.
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Not gonna mince words here, those are the actions of insecure, petty and pathetic people and, you shouldn't date those with such character flaws. Especially at your age, those are things 16 year olds would be doing, not fucking adults.

Baffles me that people can be that dumb and... well, clingy, for lack of a better word.
 
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