Dating and the Woman as Detective!

[Sanshou Kid]

I find all but a couple very specific personality types of women nosy it's kind of the nature of the beast. If you're a desirable guy then you just gotta deal with it brother. Even some of my friends whom I'm not fucking are always up in my business.

I mean, there is being interested to a degree where it is kinda 'nosy', then there is "I am gonna take the time to trawl through strangers' Facebook walls and other social media just in case this guy I just met is fucking around all the time!". Like I said, insecure actions, seems like they are looking for reasons to get pissed off or upset.

Like you I have female friends who I don't fuck (assuming that is what you meant) who will kind of interrogate me about what is going on in my life, or read too much into stuff. It is possible that some things just aren't relevant to bring up, you know, woman!

Goddamn. I make a point now of putting my foot down and saying I don't appreciate that sort of behaviour and, it has done a lot of good, think they are happier for it and all. Seems that most people don't take the time to point out harmful behaviours in others, calmly, preferring instead to get equally angry and just perpetuating the cycle, eh?

 

[Organic Damage]

Ya i have no desire to sleuth out their past.

And as I said, I am not worried about anything in mine. It is just the surreptitious questioning that I dislike. Just come out and say 'I creeped your facebook and followed links to your 'friends' and now have these questions'.

Yeah but it's better to snoop or try to mind read than to ask a straight out question, or god forbid, believe the answer to the straight out question she asked.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Not gonna mince words here, those are the actions of insecure, petty and pathetic people and, you shouldn't date those with such character flaws. Especially at your age, those are things 16 year olds would be doing, not fucking adults.

Baffles me that people can be that dumb and... well, clingy, for lack of a better word.

Ya not going to argue with that.

In her defense, she was not quizzing me after our second date. She was quizzing me after we had been dating for almost 1.5 years but on stuff that transpired in and around our second date.

It seems that as our relationship eventually started to become serious she began this mission of mapping out my entire life since we met and trying to correlate every thing I said with actions she could find and verify and thus these probing and leading questions.

And yes it is so destructive. You take a guy you say you like and trust and then subject him to numerous "traps" and leading questions instead of just asking directing questions. If she had said to me 'i creeped yours and some of your friends facebook and have the following questions', I would have been like 'really, you creeped that much' but then answered as i know girls are going to look.

 

[Higus]

I went out with a girl who did some online "research" on me. It was weird when she brought up trips I'd been on but hadn't mentioned to her before. She told me that she went through my facebook, and at first it was a little jarring.
I've had some time to think about it since then and I guess that it makes sense.
Think about it like this: At the very early stages of a courtship, the risks are much higher for a woman, so if you have tools available to gather information on a person you are considering going out with, it makes sense to use them. As a guy, you have to consider these things and make sure that you have a relatively clean online profile.

 

[Dusty Rhodes]

These women sound fucked up

Everyone has a past. If they bring it up, tell them that you dont give a shit about theirs and aren't snooping into their history, so why are they doing that to you?

 

[BisexualMMA]

And this may be an age thing and something the younger folks accept more readily as I mentioned some time ago that many of the younger staffers in our office have an App called something like "Where are you" and they are tracking their boyfriends every step 24/7. If he is on the way to office and he so much as pops into a place to take a piss he is getting a text asking why he diverted and where he was?

there seems to be this expectation amongst the younger folk that a partner not have or expect any privacy and that they be willing to be accountable for every step and minute.

i find that horrifying even if you are doing nothing wrong. but the idea of having to explain 'oh that was just the dry cleaners i popped in' because someone will be suspicious until they know the answer is just gross to me.

It was shitty in the old days too. Women going through your desk or your backpack or your briefcase or your pockets or your computer or all of the above. Then interrogating you about the "leads" they've uncovered like they're in the right.

Just gotta find a bish that ain't crazy.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

I just don't have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. problem solved.

 

[MikeMcMann]

I went out with a girl who did some online "research" on me. It was weird when she brought up trips I'd been on but hadn't mentioned to her before. She told me that she went through my facebook, and at first it was a little jarring.
I've had some time to think about it since then and I guess that it makes sense.
Think about it like this: At the very early stages of a courtship, the risks are much higher for a woman, so if you have tools available to gather information on a person you are considering going out with, it makes sense to use them. As a guy, you have to consider these things and make sure that you have a relatively clean online profile.

Ya I really have no issue with her (or anyone) going thru my facebook.

It is the detective work later to try and map out your every movement even when the two of you had no relationship yet and then the leading questions trying to see if you will be honest (tests) while they are hiding how they know things I've never discussed with them and that are not on my facebook.

Now that I know they are following friend links (particularly hot girls or girls you may mention casually) and looking at their activities and try to over lap time frames of places you have said you have been.

 

[Rhood]

Walk away from these type of women.
If she's doing background checks on you before you date that's a red flag.
I call that psycho behavior.

 

[Hooran]

I like online dating a lot but sometimes it is not what you expect

 

[Loiosh]

Be open and honest and if you aren't comfortable with any interaction move on, unless you really like her, in which case accept the curiosity and answer her questions. Snooping could be a sign of genuine interest, or paranoia. Interest is good, paranoia, not so much.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Be open and honest and if you aren't comfortable with any interaction move on, unless you really like her, in which case accept the curiosity and answer her questions. Snooping could be a sign of genuine interest, or paranoia. Interest is good, paranoia, not so much.

That is generally my view. I am fine being an open book in a relationship. i am fine being asked any question point blank.

Where I get frustrated and defensive is when you have these ongoing vague questions, and at first you just think they are general ('so who was at lunch with you the other day'), and not even thinking twice about it as it was inconsequential to you ('just some work folk you don't know'), but then time and again the questions keeping coming up but are slightly more pointed ('so was it all guys at the lunch') . And now your spidey sense is tingling ('why is this lunch an issue when it was a normal work lunch... was she there... was a mutual friend there?... did someone tell her something?...) but she refuses to get specific or ask a direct question even when prodded ('Is there something specific you are looking for re. that lunch) .

To me if you are going to be snooping and dishonest in your detective games and you want to hide that, to try and test your man to see if he has been dishonest then I am not going to give you the answers you are fishing for while trying to hide why you are fishing.

I am stubborn that way and that is probably why I will end up breaking up with a lot of, otherwise, good ladies. Ya no one is perfect, certainly not myself, but that trait (I need to test to see if you are being dishonest while trying to hide that I am being dishonest) is one that really irks me.

 

[Thrawn33]

I encourage woman to google me - in the word's of Brad Paisley, I'm so much cooler online.

I share a first and last name with an attractive male model/actor (no homo). Which is odd because it's not a common last name.

Thanks Google, much better than the 36 year old me with the dad bod

If I wasn't married im sure I'd be accused of catfishing.

 

[Loiosh]

That is generally my view. I am fine being an open book in a relationship. i am fine being asked any question point blank.

Where I get frustrated and defensive is when you have these ongoing vague questions, and at first you just think they are general ('so who was at lunch with you the other day'), and not even thinking twice about it as it was inconsequential to you ('just some work folk you don't know'), but then time and again the questions keeping coming up but are slightly more pointed ('so was it all guys at the lunch') . And now your spidey sense is tingling ('why is this lunch an issue when it was a normal work lunch... was she there... was a mutual friend there?... did someone tell her something?...) but she refuses to get specific or ask a direct question even when prodded ('Is there something specific you are looking for re. that lunch) .

To me if you are going to be snooping and dishonest in your detective games and you want to hide that, to try and test your man to see if he has been dishonest then I am not going to give you the answers you are fishing for while trying to hide why you are fishing.

I am stubborn that way and that is probably why I will end up breaking up with a lot of, otherwise, good ladies. Ya no one is perfect, certainly not myself, but that trait (I need to test to see if you are being dishonest while trying to hide that I am being dishonest) is one that really irks me.

I've stayed with exactly one girl who asked those kinds of questions and showed that little trust, and that's because she was worth it. I just didn't worry about it.

 

[Kardashians]

I’m a snoop lol. But I do it to find out the guys personality. It’s really helpful. I’ve avoided creepy forever alone dudes and really hateful ones because I ran through their Facebook and seen the kinds of things they posted, and said nahhhh not wasting my time here (or becoming steaks in dudes basement freezer lol).

I guess this is different from what you’re dealing with. I don’t care where guys are going or who they’re with. Sounds like you’re dealing with some insecure people. That’s not the worst thing I guess but suppose can become tiring or irritating to deal with all the time.

 

[Aegon Spengler]

This is a good opportunity to practice building anticipation. Every perceived issue grants you insight. One thing this tells you is you're living in a world where information is expected to be right at your fingertips, but you should also be aware that people are guided by curiosity and intrigue. The act of discovery can be painful, but not if you know how to work with it. Rather than lament, you should see how use these keys to flirt, tease, and foreplay. It's all in the mind.

Yeah that's great advice imo!

"How was lunch the other day?"

"Orgasmic" smile

Her: "What!?!"

You: "Oh you wanna be my boo and know everything about me? Damn gurl. I see why but damn. Slow your role Chica"

This is how you have to start talking Mike. This is you now.