Winning Back My Dream Girl - Need Advice Please, Sherbros!

[Vil7]

Lets be honest TS.. its about her mom

Good reference. That is what I thought of as soon as I saw the threat title.

 

[faustian]

No offense TS but this is all kinda pathetic

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

Archie, you are a good dude but you are way too old for this shit. This is something you figure out how to deal with in high school or your early 20s.

The truth is this chick doesn't want you and more than likely never will. If you ever find yourself in a relationship with her, just know that it's because she couldn't find anyone that she deemed better by that point and believe you me, she has been trying like mad to find someone better than you. You are like her last resort. Her fail safe man. Once all other options are off the table, then, and only then, will she come to you. After that, at some point she will inevitably find a guy she likes more than you and she will either leave your or cheat on you. There is no happy outcome in this scenario. I'm just being real here. You can't just make someone like you when they've already seen a large part of your personality.

Not everyone is compatible. She's looking for something different than whatever it is that you bring to the table but I'm sure there's plenty of girls out there who are looking for what you bring. Just in the same way Jennifer was attracted to you. Quite wasting your time with this chick. It sounds pathetic but even though you aren't together, you need to mentally break up with her and move on. You aren't 16 years old anymore. Your crush isn't into you the way you wished she was. We all deal with it. That's life.

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

Ghost her for a while.

Let her come back to you.

IMHO

As harsh as that is it sometimes works - at the very least you start to get over her.

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

They played that song at her wedding. And yes, her mom is almost as beautiful as she is

Bang her mom then.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Chad, First of all, I'm sorry that you're going through all this emotional turmoil while dealing with such a serious health issue. That's got to fucking suck, man. I can't imagine having to deal with both things at the same time.
Has there been any word on the possibility of a transplant any time soon?

Thank you, dude. Much appreciated. I’ll be on the transplant list before too long, I’m told

OK, now back to the issue at hand your relationship status with Stacey & Jen. Who did you confide in when you discovered how serious your health issues are? Because you mentioned that your illness took Jen by surprise. But, she still stayed by your side despite your being in the hospital, correct? Then, after that, you sent Stacey the fowers? Then, a little while later Jen ghosted you?

My kidney was slowly deteriorating over time. Months. Years. It finally got serious Mother’s Day weekend, and I went into hospital shortly thereafter. I had bought Stacey the flowers two weeks before, I always have them delivered on a Monday or Tuesday so she can enjoy them at work all week long. So she got them the week before Mother’s Day.

Meanwhile, Mother’s Day weekend I’m with Jen, as usual. I’m feeling horrible. I know my kidney is crapping out. I’m torn about Stacey and Jen. Do I stay with Jen? Or leave her for Stacey, who I want more? I decided that weekend I couldn’t leave Jen. I couldn’t hurt her like that. I recommitted my heart to her that weekend. I finally told her what’s up re my kidney and she convinced me to go to the dr. Good thing I did, or I would have died. Seriously. I told her I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to bail. She said no way. She was there by my side almost the whole time in hospital. Multiple times I offer her an out. She always told me to STFU.

When I got to hospital, the week after Mother’s Day, before Jen got there I texted Stacey where I was and why. But shortly thereafter ICU lost my phone for a few days. By the time I got it back, Stacey had blocked me everywhere.

When it was time to GTFO, Jen picked me up from hospital and drove me home. I was tired of being in there, ready to get home, and hangry. I was impatient to get home and a little testy in general. Not with her, specifically. But she made a big deal out of it. Which in turn annoyed me. When we got to my place, she refused to come in. At all. I had all this stuff in my hands to bring home from hospital I’m impatient to get inside and be done, and she wanted to hug in the driveway. I was reluctant to engage affectionately just then, asking her to come inside with me. She refused and that made me not want to hug her even more. Finally I did after more back and forth. Then she left. To me it was a little spat. The next day I told her I was sorry. We spent the weekend together. In my mind it was over, we were better than ever. In hers, however, it was a huge deal, the “last straw” for her. She left me a few days later.

I think what happened was that Jen really fell in love with you, my friend but that you couldn't fully reciprocate because of your feelings for Stacey. And, Jen could tell.
Then your illness came up & she showed you again how much she truly cared about you by staying by your side in the hospital

This is accurate.

Despite all her TLC & devotion you were still more in love with Stacey than with her so bailed.
I know that you "recommitted" to Jen after the flowers but by then the damage was done, buddy. Women can tell when a guy isn't "all in" with them & she finally decided to ghost you rather than risk getting hurt even more. I'm sorry to say it, pal but you screwed up. Or, more accurately, your feelings for Stacey screwed things up between Jen & you.
And, I'm sure that if you put yourself in Jen's shoes that you can't blame her for bailing. Here she was head over heels in love with a guy who suddenly winds up deathly ill & who needs a new kidney, which is a daunting enough task but then she comes to realize that he's in love with someone else. She deserved better, man. She deserved you to be 110% into her & when she knew that it would never be that way she ended things.
But, sometimes, tragically, we can't help who we love & for you, Stacey is #1.”

This is accurate as well.

And, unfortunately, Stacey is a game player who doesn't really know what she wants other than that right now it isn't you. At least not as her man. But, when you were involved with Jen she wasn't happy. She doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. That's why she made such a big deal about those flowers & posted them online. Because she knew that Jen would see the post. Women can be catty & devious like that. And, sadly ( for you & Jen ) it worked.

This could be accurate. In the back of my mind I’ve always suspected it. More and more as the weeks go by, I’m thinking you’re right about this.

Where has Stacey been while your ill?
Has she gone above & beyond for you like a real friend would? Or, has it mostly just been text messages? Because, if it's just the latter, you deserve better, bro. But, honestly, I don't know that she really has more to give. It sounds to me like she wants all your attention but she doesn't have enough to give you in return.

Well to be fair she does live and work in ND and had three young children. But regardless I do not necessarily disagree with your assessment.

Personally, even knowing how much you're in love with her, I'd like to see you ghost her. To get away from her for a nice long stretch while you clear your head & emotionally recharge your batteries.

I’m strongly considering this. Right now I’m annoyed with her. Yesterday after lunch we got in yet another argument about her not wanting us again, so I ended the fight and gave her space. A few hours later, she texted me she was home safe from work. And I had not asked her to do that. Then a couple times through the evening, she’d text me little things going on with her. Her a/c was fixed. She’s helping her parents with stuff, they live across the street from her. Stuff like that. I was nice but not overly engaging. Then late I saw her on Facebook so I texted her, asking why she was still up. Seeing if she was okay. She was testy and didn’t even tell me good night, and I texted her my irritation with that. I have not spoken to her nor has she texted me since.

I’m torn whether or not to ghost her. She’s dumping the other guy for lack of attention. Do I really want to be that kind of guy to her too? Especially after I’ve always been there for her? Part of me says yes, to see what she does, if anything. Part of me says hell no.

The most important thing at the moment is your health. You need to focus on that fist & foremost.

I’m doing my dialysis like I should. My health is great now except for this heartbreak. It’s really affected my appetite which is not good but my stomach is constantly in knots and eating makes me want to hurl because of the emotional turmoil. I just want to sleep and wake up and everything is resolved one way or another, but of course I know that’s not an option. It’d sure be nice, though.

Take care, man. I wish I had more answers for you but I don't.
Peace.

Thanks, Bro. You’ve been awesome

 

[Archie Goodwin]

 

[pinger]

Sounds like you are equating holiday sex as what the realistic long term relationship might look like.

See each other for a weekend every couple of months, have wild sex and miss each other when apart. It's intense, but its not normal and you're now fixated on it.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Sounds like you are equating holiday sex as what the realistic long term relationship might look like.

See each other for a weekend every couple of months, have wild sex and miss each other when apart. It's intense, but its not normal and you're now fixated on it.

I’m sure that’s part of it. But she’s just so damn awesome. Hilarious and cool. Plus I think she’s just beyond gorgeous and sexy

 

[aldeniro78]

I’m sure that’s part of it. But she’s just so damn awesome. Hilarious and cool. Plus I think she’s just beyond gorgeous and sexy

She's not awesome; she's an asshole.

I've been through a similar situation before, but not quite as extreme. The girl didn't want anything beyond friendship, but if I tried to move on and start talking to someone, she'd lose her shit and say she wanted to be with me. I'd think "maybe this is finally it" and we'd start dating only for her to lose all interest in anything beyond sex pretty fucking fast. She didn't want a relationship; she wanted me there to be her big fan and always around for her. I had enough and moved on for good and I have someone in my life who isn't mixed up and manipulative.

That's what I see in your situation. She wants you on the hook because you're her biggest fan and your attention makes her feel good. Her telling you how much she wants to fuck other guys is absolutely brutal and she is a twat for doing that to you. She's manipulative and attention hungry. You may get some sex with her down the road, but it will never be more than that and it will drive you insane. You want a relationship, but the most you'll get is sex when she wants it. This will drive you nuts and it's extremely unhealthy.

Jen was good to you when you were sick, but the temper tantrum she threw in the driveway when you got home from the hospital is a huge red flag. While sweet, she sounds immature and possibly unstable. I say forget both women.

Be single for a while. Do your own thing and focus on some self-respect. You sound like a decent guy and when you feel better about yourself and realize you deserve the best, you'll get someone good. You probably won't even have to try very hard. Forget Stacey. That ship has sailed and she is terrible for you.

 

[Deleted member 335905]

Here ya go TS....after reading all that and this thread, you need help.

http://coda.org/

 

[Cole train]

Ts be in vulnerable situation because of kidneys and thats why lets himself get played a bit.

 

[Revolver]

Best way to get an ex back is to start dating men. She’ll be back in no time once she sees you with another dude. Chicks hate that.

 

[Sophia]

As a female, I'm sorry but she doesn't want you and you deserve better. You're putting yourself in a vulnerable position to be used and abused, Jen actually sounds perfect but if she isn't the one then just disappear from both of them and wait for something new. Better yourself in the meantime, workout more and give as much love as you can to people. Be it a homeless person on the street or some family members you haven't spoken to in a while. It'll all come back to you in the end in the form of someone who'll worship you if you just keep the faith and don't actively seek, just let it happen. Just remember you're not a garlic bread, you are a juicy steak main and you deserve to be treated as such, keep your standards high and your head higher.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

As a female, I'm sorry but she doesn't want you and you deserve better. You're putting yourself in a vulnerable position to be used and abused, Jen actually sounds perfect but if she isn't the one then just disappear from both of them and wait for something new. Better yourself in the meantime, workout more and give as much love as you can to people. Be it a homeless person on the street or some family members you haven't spoken to in a while. It'll all come back to you in the end in the form of someone who'll worship you if you just keep the faith and don't actively seek, just let it happen. Just remember you're not a garlic bread, you are a juicy steak main and you deserve to be treated as such, keep your standards high and your head higher.

I love you, lol. Thank you!

 

[Archie Goodwin]

After much thinking on everything y’all have said, and of course a ton of reflection on my own, I have decided to tell Stacey I’m done with her until she ever wants more from me. She’s giving me attitude today and I think I’ve finally had enough of it. At least for now. I’ll post my text to her in a bit, and I’ll welcome any of your constructive thoughts re it afterwards. Thank you all

 

[Devout Pessimist]

Again. My female friends are saying I’m doing fine. Keep being nice and giving her attention and in time she’ll wake up and come back to me. Every guy I know is saying what y’all are saying. My gut says listen to the guys, my heart says listen to the girls. After all, woman know women better than men.

Women are the last people you should be taking advice from. They are often childish and confused. Her looks and the hot sex will not last very long. What would you really think of her if you were blind and could not see how attractive she was? Looks are a trap to keep you hooked.

 

[Sophia]

Women are the last people you should be taking advice from. They are often childish and confused. Her looks and the hot sex will not last very long. What would you really think of her if you were blind and could not see how attractive she was? Looks are a trap to keep you hooked.

Shut up.

 

[Alphaboy]

Guys.... if your post is over 3 paragraphs, add a TLDR segment.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Here’s what I’m sending her (long). Thoughts?

“You used to love texting with me lots. I used to be your favorite non-relative to talk with. The person you wanted to talk with the most. You have no problem sending me stuff when you’re at work, but after all we’ve been through together I can’t get a good night or good morning from you? How do you think that makes me feel, Stacey?

I was giving you a break. You're the one texting me yesterday after work and into the evening about stuff, then being distant.

Do you need a break too from Nathan or Dickface or Michael “Mr Distant Yet Hot” or anyone else in your life, or am I the only one who gets that joy? Is anyone else getting this attitude from you today too, or am I the only one who gets that joy? And if you say no because it’s different with them, then good because it should be different with them for reasons you are already well aware. I’ll bet you’ve had no problems at all engaging with anyone else last night or today, just me. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

You never ask me anymore how I’m doing, or what am I up to, or how’s my day going, or anything. Everything is always about you with us, and it’s been that way for a while now. Months. What kind of friend is that, much less a supposedly “best friend”? Are you the same way with others, or just me? You text Nathan and whoever else a lot too. Do you treat any of them the same way? I’d be shocked if you do.

Sorry, but after a ton of thought and reflection I think I just might finally reached my limit with you. At least for now. I am tired of always putting you first, and in return I’m only ever just a back-burner option at best for you.

I am well aware you’re always busy with the kids, house, work, parents, your you time, and such. Of course that comes first for you. I wouldn’t ever have it any other way, never have and you know it. But after all that I expect after all we’ve been through together, all we’ve shared and how close we’ve become to each other these last 15+ months, to mean more to you than that. I should be the next thing in your life. I used to be but I don’t feel like I am anymore. And I do not like it. At all.

Frankly, I find all of this is completely unacceptable between us given our history together. I deserve better. I am worth more than that. And after everything between us, I should mean more to you than that. And I feel like I don’t. At all. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I’d sure love to be wrong.

Fine. No problem. I hear you, loud and clear. So. Take all the time you want/need. I'll leave you alone. Enjoy your break from me, for as long as you want it. And your time off with the kids next week. And everything else in your life until I hear from you again, if ever.

Hope you stick to your guns and break it off with Mr Distant. He’s treated you poorly for weeks now after a great date with you, and that is completely unacceptable behavior from anyone much less someone supposedly your “boyfriend”. TBH and blunt, you’d be quite unwise to ever take him back after that, no matter what he says or tries to do to win you back. If he’s like that so early into things, he’s not going to ever get any better and I’m sure you know that already. You deserve better, you know this too.

Text me again if you ever miss me. I am truly hopeful you will, sooner rather than later. You always have in the past when we don’t speak for a time, and I’m trusting you will again this time too. If I ever hear from you again, maybe I’ll miss you too and answer. We’ll see.

And if I never hear from you again... well then that shows me my true place in your life, doesn’t it?

Until you text me again, if ever, I am putting you behind me and moving on with my life. I truly hope this isn’t permanent with us. Doesn’t mean I won’t miss you. Doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. Just means I’m tired of the way you’ve been treating me, especially considering how I treat you.

Regardless, it doesn’t change how I feel about you in return. You know what you mean to me. No matter what, I’ll still love you always and forever. My promise to you. In the meantime, take care of you and stay safe. My best to you and the kids, as always.

So. How things go between us from here on out are entirely up to you, but no matter what happens I would greatly appreciate it if you did not block me anywhere ever again. If only so I can tell you if I get a transplant, take a turn for the worse, or whatever, if nothing else. Please do this for me. Surely I still mean enough to you for that one thing? I thank you for it.”