First date horror stories

equus said:
about 10 years ago I met this girl at the bar I tended. She was a gorgeous blonde with a body like Trish Stratus. She gives me her number and I'm excited because I've seen her in the bar on many occasions. play it off like its no big deal and she asked me to call her after the bar. So I close and about 3 a.m. I call her. She invites me over to our house. We end up drinking and at some point we go to her bedroom. I wake up about 7 a.m...


At some point in the night, her water bed sprung a leak. Only she didn't have a water bed. at some point I had managed to put my boxers on in the night. Im on my back. I feel my junk and its dry but the sides of my boxers are very wet. She pissed this bed like she had the bladder the size of a dairy cow. I rolled out of the bed as if I was a special ops soldier. I collected my clothes and gingerly crept to her bathroom. Then the fact that I was covered in whiz made me take a shower regardless of whether or not I may wake her. I finished, threw my boxers in her trash and left her a note on her counter. "Hey I had a great time. Fyi I didnt pee the bed. My boxers were dry in the crotch. Call me."

Suprisingly, I never heard from her.
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Damn, you've been killing it in this thread. lol
First the wings, now the showers? Got any gimp suit stories to hit the trifecta?
 
as promised, here is the picture she drew of me as a dragon, with a dollar bill for scale.

man its been a fucking weird and eventful week

b4x5ac.jpg
 
My only weird blind date story isn't nearly as bad as these. I was in college visiting my grandparents and my grandmom asked if I would take out her friend's granddaughter. I was assured she had a "good personality." I reluctantly agreed.
Girl shows up in a lifted four wheel drive wearing cowboy boots (with jeans tucked in) and a...wait for it...bolo tie. Plus, she was a big girl. Big y'all. We went out to eat and bowling. I began "to feel sick" at the bowling alley and called a friend to pick me up. She called once but I couldn't bring myself to answer.
 
Zezima said:
Ive got a couple of funny first date stories,

First one, it was just after i split up with my long term girlfriend, i joined pof got mailing this lass, decided to meet up first date was to go pizza hut, on pictures she was quite decent (im nothing special). So any way i pull up at pizza hut, in my RX8 and i wait 5 mins and i get a text saying she will be here in a moment, she pulls up in the most battered nissan micra ive ever seen. She barely gets out of the car at this time im stood outside the door smoking, i was dying not to laugh at the size of her, at the time i was about 6'1 and maybe around 200 lbs a lil on the chub side, she squeezes out and stands next to me absolutely towering me, talking 6'5 maybe 300+ lbs? Her pictures turned out to be from years ago(surely). So me being nice i go inside with her and order food, i got a 10'' pizza (it was lunch time), she got a 14" cheesy bites with all sorts on, she also ordered a starter (cant remember what it was) and anyway were talking and she seems like a nice personality but she was ugly i was ashamed to be sat with her, she eats the whole of the pizza and starter and wants desert! I said i need to be off shortly though, so she quickly orders a pudding proper destroys it (almost ate the dish). So we pick up the bill, bill came to just shy of
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I have a lot of stories from the 5-7 months span in my life from March-Octoberish.

I was in a bar and met a girl I had seen before. She was cute, had her sister with her who was a big girl. We started talking, I was just there alone watching football and hanging out. We started fucking pounding shots and at a certain point I don't remember much. I remember they asked me to go home with them and I was like "hell yes". This is because I thought I was going home with the cute sister.

I start sobering up a little bit while someone is sucking me off. The reason I'm sobering up so fast is because this bitch is biting it and saying shit like, "sucks don't it". Well I'm getting pissed and realize that I am not with the cuter sister, I'm with the elephant woman. I'm trying to find a way out of this at some point, but my bottom game is no match for this womans GnP.

God I hate that story.
 
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lowsingle said:
as promised, here is the picture she drew of me as a dragon, with a dollar bill for scale.

man its been a fucking weird and eventful week

b4x5ac.jpg
Click to expand...
That's actually a pretty awesome dragon.
 
One time eons ago a friend set me up with a hottie I had seen around the way. Well, she shows up and immediately she's acting like a little stuck up shit don't stink bitch. I'm suffering through dinner at some restaurant and the little head convinces me to move to drinks afterward and maybe she'll improve (yea right.) So we go to a local watering hole and I'm still sitting there wondering how anyone tolerates her when a schoolmate of mine shows up. Now this guy was one of those guys that the women always just fell at his feet back in the day, and she immediately perks up and starts acting all interested in him. He sits down with us at the table and from that point I pretty much cease to exist for her. I sit through this for maybe 5-10 minutes then excuse myself to go to the restroom. I took a leak and then went out to my car and left. I never did hear what happened but I'd imagine he got laid. That was my worst date.
 
A few years ago I had a date with a nice Italian chick in a city about 20 minutes away so I put on a white dress shirt and got in my mom's car to meet up with her.

Right when I was driving through a construction on the autobahn I got the heaviest nosebleeds ever in my life, fucking fountains of blood shooting out my nose.
Obviously I didn't wanna bleed on my fancy white shirt but since I was in a construction there were no shoulders to stop and I had cars behind me and I was running late.

I was holding my head down, barely seeing the road in front of me, trying to collect all the blood in the palm of my hand so I could kinda "throw" it on the ground when my palm was full, lol.
I was driving stick-shift so after a minute of this shit the inside of my mom's car looked like I slaughtered a pig in there.
By some miracle I managed to keep my shirt clean though lol.

When I arrived in the city, still bleeding, I just went into the first parking structure so I had some time to clean myself up. What I didn't see in my hurry was that it closed at midnight, so when I returned at 4am I had to call the facility manager for him to open it for 50 euro.
When I told the chick she was like "why didn't you tell me, you could have stayed at my place".

tl;dr:
Fuck my life.
 
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
 
This thread has made my day over & over again. Thanks fellas!

The only embarrassing thing that's happened to me on a first date was going out to a restaurant/bar & getting cramps in both hamstrings simultaneously. I told her what was happening, played it off best I could, & it ended up not really effecting the date at all ;-)
 
ClubFoot said:
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
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holy shit! (literally). that really happened?!!
 
ClubFoot said:
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
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This is something you might want to file under: "Never post this story on the internet"

Too late but shit man.
 
Zoolander said:
holy shit! (literally). that really happened?!!
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yeah, she's sat next to me laughing.

It was a helluva first impression. She's more upset I'm telling you we slept together on our first date.
 
Had to come back to this thread. I'm in a cafe right now, and a guy is flaming out right before my eyes. First, he apparently met a college girl, and he's talking about his job as a dishwasher and how he doesn't know anything about college or if its for him. This is followed by blank pauses and such, rather than a damn good plan B. To make sure she got the idea that he is a well-rounded loser, he says, "I suck at sports. All sports. Any sport you can name, I suck at it."

We're in the long pauses of death stage as we speak.

omg...

EDIT:

Wow, somehow this guy is righting the ship. This is like some Anderson/Sonnen I shit. Epic comeback. Don't know if he's going to pull it off, but it's headed that way....lol..
 
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Walk up and start talking to him about that 'one chick he was with that you guys both hooked up with...' then she has a reason to compete for him and you'll probably help him close the deal.
 
ClubFoot said:
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
Click to expand...

Well fuck... Who said romance is dead

Congrats? :D
 
Phreaxer said:
Walk up and start talking to him about that 'one chick he was with that you guys both hooked up with...' then she has a reason to compete for him and you'll probably help him close the deal.
Click to expand...

Too late, things got stale, and I zoned out. I think he lost the battle, but spared himself of being the butt of all the girl's jokes with his last ditch effort.
 
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