Legendary Self Defense stories...

[bafflemeant]

One time I was walking in a really bad area of Providence, RI at night looking for a yoga studio that was supposed to be there that I wanted go to.

So I see all these little kids coming up to me like the thieving orphan gamins in /Hostel./ All of a sudden I feel something on my face and I realize one of them punched me.

Fortunately I am like 6'7", a powerlifter, and a jiu-jitsu champion. I took down the smallest of the children and put him in the twister and broke his spine completely. Then I picked up another kid and started swinging him around like a club to knock down all the other kids.

One of the kids tried to jump on my back and started biting my ear like some Mike Tyson wannabee. I judo-flipped him so hard you could actually see his cerebro-spinal fluid spilling out from the crack in his skull. It was completely sick and I kind of regret going so far because I probably ruined those kids' lives, but after that, no one tried to take my lunch money again.

 

[Nnedd]

One time a giant chicken gave me an expired coupon. Our ensuing battle has been epic.

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[nogistudent]

I have kicked a guy of his moped once, or rahter I aimed for him and hit his moped:redface: while he was moving so he busted the moped up some, him and his crew got up started the usual wtf act, I promptly called his big-borther( a mate of mine) said I was going to kick his little brothers ass if he didn't came straight away. so I threw him into the ditch and sat on him until the brother arrived

Ah, the old dependable ditch-and-sit. I've tried it but since I'm small guys just get up and walk like they're wearing me for a hat.

 

[ILGrappler]

So there I was the floor was coverd in hot lava and this dragon gave my this look.

a stink eye you may think but no

a crook eye but no the evil eye

yadda yadda yadda I pulled guard an armbarred him

This guy?

 

[YeahBee]

Ah, the old dependable ditch-and-sit. I've tried it but since I'm small guys just get up and walk like they're wearing me for a hat.

my recipe for smaller guys is RNC and threaten to break his neck, regular people don't udnerstand grappling so they'll believe you

Ditch and sit, curb and sit, parkinglot and sit, pretty much everything with sit has worked out wonderful for my street fighting career

I am probably 5-0-50 with this tactic:icon_chee

 

[Sock Monkey]

I wonder if Faber tried a spinning back elbow on any of those Balians

bad form sir

 

[UnderdogWannabe]

short story:

A really hot girl at a club once started coming on to me on the dance floor. I started dancing with her and all the sudden comes this troll with rap clothing and a bandana on his forehead swearing at me (I couldn't understand half of what he was saying because of the loud music), he goes and swings at me, I dodge go to his back and do a standing RNC on him that puts the guy to sleep... After I revived him, and spoke to him outside the club I understood that the girl coming on to me was his girlfriend... It looked too good to be true, a hot girl just coming out of the blue like that

needles to say, I when home empty handed ... Loser!

You think your hand would be more full at the end of the night in that situation

 

["MATA-LEÃO"]

Sorry, you all fail compared to the California Kid

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This sounds like something from a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.........unreeeeeel!

 

[savagenation**]

This one time I went up for a layup and out of nowhere I rejected myself into the bleechers. Get it, self defense?

 

[jerryseinfeld]

so yeah anyway, i'm 6'7 and about 250lbs and i ended up at this biker bar with my friends, we were all kinds of drunk, preppy college kids at the time, nothing compared to the azzkickr i am right now, this was kind of where it all came from.

so this biker chick comes up to me and starts saying she wants to suck my dick, probably because i'm so fucking sweet but who knows. this obviously pisses those guys off and i don't know if you've ever met a biker, but those guys don't fuck around, came straight at me with pool cues. i drop down, do a cheeky push up, then spring up and pile drive two of them into the jukebox.

my friends were scared as shit so i peaced out for their sake, but asd we're leaving, these guys are harshing us down the street on their motorcycles. a quick jumping splits kick later and both those douches had been dismounted. i picked up one of their bikes and rode off into the night.

 

[ElKarlo]

Don't remember Robocop eating at all. This guy isn't robocop. It's a work.

Robocop would have used the word "citizen".

He ate babyfood.


TS that's a cool @$$ story. But how much do you weigh?

 

[Lookyoung]

lol this is funny... Not one guy on sherdog has been in a street fight. I have been in so many streetfights that I could fill up 10 pages with stories. I have probably been in 50-100 street fights Yet all you guys would say I am full of shit if I told my real life stories so I am just going to pass.

 

[Jagcorps_esq]

I walked into KFC one dark autumn evening. It was raining lightly outside and the moon was out unusually early. While I was standing in line waiting for my chicken, I noticed that one of the cooks in the back didn't look quite "right".

My suspicious soon turned out to be correct, in a far worse way then I could have imagined. As I kept a close eye on this employee, I noticed that he was wearing a gi. I thought this was strange for an employee at a KFC.

The employee must have noticed me staring as things started to escalate. Knowing that immediate action must be taken, I jumped the counter. I assumed since he was wearing a gi that he was a sandbagger, so I knew I must get a weapon.

I grabbed the two biggest drumsticks I could find from the warmer and yelled "whats up now, bitch!". My friends were all like "daaaaaamn" and "sheeeeet doggg", but I didn't even notice them as I was completely focused.

It turns out the employee just had a lazy eye, and I was arrested.

Epic.

 

[Jagcorps_esq]

lol this is funny... Not one guy on sherdog has been in a street fight. I have been in so many streetfights that I could fill up 10 pages with stories. I have probably been in 50-100 street fights Yet all you guys would say I am full of shit if I told my real life stories so I am just going to pass.

Fine...fine. I'll give you a story from my Army days.

Me and a group of guys were traveling to Munich from Freidberg, Germany by train. We were waiting in some small town train station for our connection to arrive.

As we were waiting we saw this little old man get accosted by two fairly large guys. It went down like this. The old man walked by and they said something to him (in German, sorry I didn't catch it...but it was likely very rude). They were drunk or buzzing (had beer sitting in front of them) and were very rude to everyone that walked by. The old man (he was probably 65) said something back to them. They took offense and got in his face. I was so proud of him, because he didn't back down (he was a little man, dressed in a tweed suit). Finally, one of them shoved him. He hit that guy in the face with his clip board. Both men (each of them was over 6 foot and weighed around 200 to 220) pretty much tackled the little man so hard that he slid across the floor about 15 feet. I was up before I knew it.

I leg kicked the first guy, from behind, and his knee went all crazy. He dropped like a wet towel. The second guy came at me and resorted to the old stand by of the football tackle. I got to mount (though I had no idea the power of that position at the time, having not trained in BJJ yet) and pounded on him until the train station German police arrived (maybe 20 to 30 seconds).

I also recall saying something supremely uncool like, "I'm going to stick your feet up your ass" or something equally lame upon reflection.

 

[Weeble]

^^

YOu didn't know mount? No combatives for you?

 

[Jagcorps_esq]

^^

YOu didn't know mount? No combatives for you?

This happened in 1996, maybe 1997. I'm old.

So no, Gracie combatives were not very big then, if they were around at all.

I knew that being on top was better than being on bottom, but I hadn't trained a day of BJJ ever.

I'm just thinking about how much better I could have done everything with the knowledge I have now.

 

[philong]

This happened in 1996, maybe 1997. I'm old.

Old?!?!?
I was in the Army in Freidberg in 1977, don't even try telling me you're old.
Is / was the base still Armor? I was in 1st Battalion 32nd Armor, 2nd Platoon, B Company, tank 23. Of course we had the M60 A2 back then none of the fancy M1 Abrahms for us.

 

[esila]

lol this is funny... Not one guy on sherdog has been in a street fight. I have been in so many streetfights that I could fill up 10 pages with stories. I have probably been in 50-100 street fights Yet all you guys would say I am full of shit if I told my real life stories so I am just going to pass.

Pssh, I've had so many street fights that I didn't even get hurt once. Not one clean hit on me. I even give them rematches and STILL I remained untouchable. In fact, I even have video of this back in my army days (my hair is a lot shorter now):

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[TyroneSlothrop**]

hahahaha

 

[xMikeyX]

I didn't want this thread to be one where people told their bullying stories or cheap shot stories or shanghai'ing old men peeing stories but here's another Legendary story again from NYC- this doesn't involve self defense but...

Once when I was 17 and attending a loft party in NYC and I had to pee really bad so I go outside with some friends and its raining. I quickly find one of those quick parks and start to pee on an suv near the wall, somewhat hidden from sidewalk traffic and as I'm peeing I'm having a conversation with my back turned to my friends. Needless to say I didn't realize the whole time that a bum was sleeping underneath the SUV and awakens to my golden suprise. He has no idea what's going on and gets up and is like "Sheeet- itz raininin" and as I stop, jump backwards in terror, and try to retreat, my friends can't stop laughing. My friends start talking to the guy and busting his balls; I felt so bad I gave the guy a dollar and he was all like, "Thank you- god bless you sir!" At least it was raining and I'm sure he smelled like piss already.

And Michael Jackson once came over my house to use the bathroom.