Would you dump or not?

Fenderson said:
Here's a scenario for you fellas. It'l be nice to get an unbiased view.

When I first started dating my current gf I enquired if she ever had a relationship with a guy she was still in contact with. She denied it.

She is still messaging the guy because he was her sports coach and they talk about sports/how she can get better/mundane shit. I later found out that they were flirting/sent pics before i was involved but thats all. (I know thats all it was becuase i suspected she was lying and snooped on her phone. Dick move). I confront her about it. She apologises, says it was wrong and discontinues any contact with the guy.

That leaves me feeling burnt that she was still speaking to him after we were official (even if it was in a professional manner) and gives me trust issues. Here's the scenario's that keep circulating in my mind where now I don't really know what to think.

Scenario 1# she shouldn't of spoke to him, lied about the flirting and I'm right to dump her.

Scenario 2# it was wrong, but nothing happened. It was never going to go anywhere and she was speaking to him about training. Let it be. Nobodies perfect. She loves me.

Scenario 3# she doesn't need to tell you anything about past flirting. It was OK for her to speak to her coach. I'm overreacting and making her feel like a pos for nothing.

Pick one or give me your opinion folks
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You know her decently well I'm assuming?


I've always kind of gone by the 'do unto others as you'd have them do unto you' type of philosophy. So ask yourself this -if this situation were reversed, and she had asked you the same question only to come to find out you were lying in the same manner, would she be pissed about it?


Part of being in a good relationship is mutual respect along with trust. If your answer to my question is 'she'd be straight pissed' then I'd certainly want to know why she thinks it's ok for her to do it. If the answer is 'she most likely wouldn't care' -then I'd asses what you're willing to deal with and discuss it and lay out what you're cool with and not. Because to me, this at the very least comes across as something that bothers you.


Be aware that even tho you lay things out, you may not get the response you want tho, and you have to both deal with and accept that. Level of acceptance being within your control, her response not so much.


Bottom line is, know yourself, and use that to help figure out the person you're looking for. If this is a deal breaker for you and she couldn't care less? Walk. If not, accept it and move on.
 
4: Every woman keeps a certain number of guys on the back burner when they're between boyfriends.


In case you need emergency attention/validation, break that glass. Leave her if you want, but this is something they all do.
 
You had trust issues well before you started snooping.

But go chuck your issues on her some more.
 
Phr3121 said:
Ok, what part of the underlined statement above do people not understand? What a punch of 'fucktard' responses. Yeah, what else is she lying about?
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Yeah in my experience when people lie to you easily, it's almost never a one time thing. Either lying because there is, or was more going on than texting.


Or, and this is more sinister, lying because she's a shady bitch that's used to lying all the time.


I don't trust this "oh we were attracted to each other and nothing happened, but I kept talking to him until you caught me because....... reasons"

She banged this guy, wants to, is keeping him as a plan b, or is using him for the attention. Gee, which of those types of shitty people do I want to date....
 
Fenderson said:
Here's a scenario for you fellas. It'l be nice to get an unbiased view.

When I first started dating my current gf I enquired if she ever had a relationship with a guy she was still in contact with. She denied it.

She is still messaging the guy because he was her sports coach and they talk about sports/how she can get better/mundane shit. I later found out that they were flirting/sent pics before i was involved but thats all. (I know thats all it was becuase i suspected she was lying and snooped on her phone. Dick move). I confront her about it. She apologises, says it was wrong and discontinues any contact with the guy.

That leaves me feeling burnt that she was still speaking to him after we were official (even if it was in a professional manner) and gives me trust issues. Here's the scenario's that keep circulating in my mind where now I don't really know what to think.

Scenario 1# she shouldn't of spoke to him, lied about the flirting and I'm right to dump her.

Scenario 2# it was wrong, but nothing happened. It was never going to go anywhere and she was speaking to him about training. Let it be. Nobodies perfect. She loves me.

Scenario 3# she doesn't need to tell you anything about past flirting. It was OK for her to speak to her coach. I'm overreacting and making her feel like a pos for nothing.

Pick one or give me your opinion folks
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Fenderson said:
Here's a scenario for you fellas. It'l be nice to get an unbiased view.

When I first started dating my current gf I enquired if she ever had a relationship with a guy she was still in contact with. She denied it.

She is still messaging the guy because he was her sports coach and they talk about sports/how she can get better/mundane shit. I later found out that they were flirting/sent pics before i was involved but thats all. (I know thats all it was becuase i suspected she was lying and snooped on her phone. Dick move). I confront her about it. She apologises, says it was wrong and discontinues any contact with the guy.

That leaves me feeling burnt that she was still speaking to him after we were official (even if it was in a professional manner) and gives me trust issues. Here's the scenario's that keep circulating in my mind where now I don't really know what to think.

Scenario 1# she shouldn't of spoke to him, lied about the flirting and I'm right to dump her.

Scenario 2# it was wrong, but nothing happened. It was never going to go anywhere and she was speaking to him about training. Let it be. Nobodies perfect. She loves me.

Scenario 3# she doesn't need to tell you anything about past flirting. It was OK for her to speak to her coach. I'm overreacting and making her feel like a pos for nothing.

Pick one or give me your opinion folks
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3

You're lucky she's not dumping you for snooping in her phone. I caught a girl I'd been with snooping and I broke up with her that day, fuck that stalker shit
 
tdluxon said:
3

You're lucky she's not dumping you for snooping in her phone. I caught a girl I'd been with snooping and I broke up with her that day, fuck that stalker shit
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I know. It was a shitty thing to do
 
Ask her for his dick pick. Your answer will be revealed.
 
Dang you are letting some minor stuff get into your head! You should not be worried about the phone shit though I admit is not good she lied to you. Scenario 3 is how I recommend you proceed.

I sure don't want my GF to check out my phone, I love going back and forth with girls I have dated and would like to date if we break up. I'm guessing this is very common.
 
HomeCheese said:
Dang you are letting some minor stuff get into your head! You should not be worried about the phone shit though I admit is not good she lied to you. Scenario 3 is how I recommend you proceed.

I sure don't want my GF to check out my phone, I love going back and forth with girls I have dated and would like to date if we break up. I'm guessing this is very common.
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I know. Just a moment of weakness on my part. I regret it.
 
Fenderson said:
Here's a scenario for you fellas. It'l be nice to get an unbiased view.

When I first started dating my current gf I enquired if she ever had a relationship with a guy she was still in contact with. She denied it.

She is still messaging the guy because he was her sports coach and they talk about sports/how she can get better/mundane shit. I later found out that they were flirting/sent pics before i was involved but thats all. (I know thats all it was becuase i suspected she was lying and snooped on her phone. Dick move). I confront her about it. She apologises, says it was wrong and discontinues any contact with the guy.

That leaves me feeling burnt that she was still speaking to him after we were official (even if it was in a professional manner) and gives me trust issues. Here's the scenario's that keep circulating in my mind where now I don't really know what to think.

Scenario 1# she shouldn't of spoke to him, lied about the flirting and I'm right to dump her.

Scenario 2# it was wrong, but nothing happened. It was never going to go anywhere and she was speaking to him about training. Let it be. Nobodies perfect. She loves me.

Scenario 3# she doesn't need to tell you anything about past flirting. It was OK for her to speak to her coach. I'm overreacting and making her feel like a pos for nothing.

Pick one or give me your opinion folks
Click to expand...
#3 all day:

You dont own a person just because you are together. If you got a problem with that she wants to talk to a guy (purely platonic) she has flirted with earlier then its YOU that have huge issues and need to work on them.
 
Nesruk said:
#3 all day:

You dont own a person just because you are together. If you got a problem with that she wants to talk to a guy (purely platonic) she has flirted with earlier then its YOU that have huge issues and need to work on them.
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Agreed. Trying my best to sort myself out.
 
Fenderson said:
She doesn't see him anymore. I was open to her still training there. She refused and stopped altogether.
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In that case, what the hell is your problem? Back when I first got with my wife, I caught her chatting with a guy she had flirted with before. They were discussing whether they still had feelings for each other. I was furious and laid down the law. She was all shook up and since then have given me no reason to be jealous for 10+ years and counting. Don't listen to all the women-hating beta-cucks on here - you've already done everything that needs to be done.
 
Vergilius said:
In that case, what the hell is your problem? Back when I first got with my wife, I caught her chatting with a guy she had flirted with before. They were discussing whether they still had feelings for each other. I was furious and laid down the law. She was all shook up and since then have given me no reason to be jealous for 10+ years and counting. Don't listen to all the women-hating beta-cucks on here - you've already done everything that needs to be done.
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Thanks mate. Advice taken
 
How long ago?

I'd say 2 and 3. But if this is all super recent and yall dated for 9 months with this chat going on, I'd say let her be gone.

But its all good, I'd say you HAVE to tell her your trust is a bit broken, but you want to rebuild it and keep on going. If you can lay the line in the sand and be honest about the trust issues, it'll help you guys move forward because you actually know where its all going
 
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