Name Three Officially 'Normal' Things that you find Totally Unacceptable

[Gunny]

Its been proven that the worst thing to happen to a good marriage is children. It literally worsens their relationship. Googling It, every study says the same thing. The only dissent was from the Christians.

https://www.theguardian.com/comment...e-kids-children-relationship-suffers-research
atlanta.cbslocal.com/2014/01/14/study-couples-without-children-have-happier-marriages/

I mean, knowing that why would two people who enjoy the hell out of each other, and do things together and go interesting places and do cool things, want to risk destroying their great relationship having children? I tend to be a sceptic but the science matches the reality around me everyday.

This is begging for additional context. In the first few years after children arrive I agree with you. Infants and toddlers are hard fucking work with little reward (for the dad and for the marriage anyway - I gather mothers find very young children more rewarding). That said, as the children age the pendulum swings the other way - and it swings HARD. I shudder to think what it would be like going into my later middle age, and eventually senior, years without my children.

 

[nac386]

Understand? <45>
@nac386

Ohh, I see.

 

[Islam Imamate]

Nothing higher imho, especially when you look at all the areas they polled. From spousal satisfaction to attraction and likeability and many other metrics. The facts were clear to me. Having kids will ruin your relationship.

I'm not going to keep arguing this point with you because you have firsthand experience and I don't. I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope should I ever get married and have kids I won't but for now I'll leave it up to Inga to go at it with you on this point since at least the both of you can speak from your own experiences.

I guess you can then say I was being presumptuous and judgemental with my original comment. Maybe so but I'm looking at it from a theoretical level in terms of the original purpose of marriage and also in light of the declining birth rates in the Western world.

Hmm, good question:

1. Aesthetic subjectivism - I.e. my Ashley Simpson is just as good as your Beethoven; this fat girl is just as beautiful as Bellicci, etc.
on.

I don't know about Ashley Simpson but Jessica gave us true art. Not speaking of her music of course...

 

[bushman505]

I am a Christian.

Gross

 

[Gunny]

I don't know about Ashley Simpson but Jessica gave us true art. Not speaking of her music of course...

Yes, what you say should be understood as beyond anyone’s subjective assessment

 

[bushman505]

-unchecked immigration
-converting to Islam
-listening to Kanye West
-ignoring the US constitution
-blaming every little fucking thing on trump

 

[panamaican]

Just read the article, look at all the metrics they polled. Every category showed a marked degeneration of opinion towards the spouse after having children. That is fact. Nothing about that shows that it brings the relationship to a higher level.

I think back to the time before I had mine. Me and the wife had loads of fun together, did things and went places on a whim when we wanted. Then kids s came and that went right out the door. Taking them anywhere became a pain in the ass, and far more expensive. Could no longer just up and go out and do things. It fucked over our lives together for the worse. I love my children, but I am under no false notions as too just the level of destruction they wreaked on my relationship.

That's unfortunate. Having a kid didn't impact my relationship negatively at all.

 

[dontsnitch]

Just read the article, look at all the metrics they polled. Every category showed a marked degeneration of opinion towards the spouse after having children. That is fact. Nothing about that shows that it brings the relationship to a higher level.

I think back to the time before I had mine. Me and the wife had loads of fun together, did things and went places on a whim when we wanted. Then kids s came and that went right out the door. Taking them anywhere became a pain in the ass, and far more expensive. Could no longer just up and go out and do things. It fucked over our lives together for the worse. I love my children, but I am under no false notions as too just the level of destruction they wreaked on my relationship.

I think to have true perspective you should plainly ask married couples with kids if they believe kids to be worth having or not, preferably once the kids are grown. That would be better than cryptic questions about happiness and stress.

It is not clear that the strain on your relationships that kids create is enough to not have them.

 

[Andy Capp]

1. Homosexuality
2. Transgenders
3. Skinny jeans

lol well aren't you a sad little man. Did your girlfriend become someone else's boyfriend?

1. Public consumption of alcohol
2. Childless marriages
3. Yoga pants in public outside the context of yoga or exercise

These are good responses as well.

Don't hate me but these are a few of my favorite things, as the song goes.

 

[Kframe]

That's unfortunate. Having a kid didn't impact my relationship negatively at all.

I wish I could believe you and others when you say this. Especially when my experiences match those of scientific studies. You don't miss being able to just go out on a whim, no planning and just do what ever when ever? You cant do that with kids.

 

[Kframe]

I think to have true perspective you should plainly ask married couples with kids if they believe kids to be worth having or not, preferably once the kids are grown. That would be better than cryptic questions about happiness and stress.

It is not clear that the strain on your relationships that kids create is enough to not have them.

Yea that is what they did bro. Everyone men and women both said that raising kids was the best thing they ever did and brought them loads of fulfillment, yet in the same breath having kids had a significant negative impact on their opinions of their spouses.

 

[dontsnitch]

Yea that is what they did bro. Everyone men and women both said that raising kids was the best thing they ever did and brought them loads of fulfillment, yet in the same breath having kids had a significant negative impact on their opinions of their spouses.

The article is implying it is better to not have kids though, starting from the title, and I think that's a bit misleading. If you want to find out whether it's better to have children and are going to conduct a survey that tracks opinions, why not plainly ask? Things that are hard are often worth doing, after all.

Personally, I believe kids are worth having and the pros outweigh the cons.

 

[Kframe]

The article is implying it is better to not have kids though, starting from the title, and I think that's a bit misleading. If you want to find out whether it's better to have children and are going to conduct a survey that tracks opinions, why not plainly ask? Things that are hard are often worth doing, after all.

Personally, I believe kids are worth having and the pros outweigh the cons.

But your opinion is exactly what they said though. I don't care about the title of the article. The results are all that matters. They clearly posted that while everyone, just like you, thinks that it was worth it, they also found that they opinion of their spouses declined significantly. It clearly has a negative impact on the relationship, while paradoxally being fulfilling.

 

[Bamboozled]

I worked in a steak house decades ago and when an order came in for several well done steaks, it was a sure bet the customers ordering were black. I think it is a pretty concrete stereotype.

Well shit, maybe I am a little bit racist!

Must be my white privilege where I don't recognize POC eating well done steaks.

 

[panamaican]

I wish I could believe you and others when you say this. Especially when my experiences match those of scientific studies. You don't miss being able to just go out on a whim, no planning and just do what ever when ever? You cant do that with kids.

I'm not saying the studies are wrong, I just say it's unfortunate for you because I didn't have that outcome.

I think it boils down to what you were doing pre kid. I like playing chess, reading books, playing sports. All things that I can include my kid in on a whim. I was never much of a bar, club or restaurant person so having a kid doesn't change that for me. There are a variety of other factors specific to my life (living in a walkable city, being self-employed, having a wife who truly loves spending time with our son even when I'm not around and doesn't resent it if I'm gone 2-3 hours at a time). So, I know it's possible even if it's not the majority.

But when parents have lifestyle desires that aren't easily adaptable to kids, it's going to be a lot harder.

 

[Curly Peibce]

Black's butchering the English language in the States.

 

[panamaican]

Yea that is what they did bro. Everyone men and women both said that raising kids was the best thing they ever did and brought them loads of fulfillment, yet in the same breath having kids had a significant negative impact on their opinions of their spouses.

That's not surprising. Pre-kid your partner's little foibles are excusable because they affect no one else. When you have a kid, those foibles affect your child and some resentment is natural.

The only opinion I have on that isn't practical in this modern era - only seriously date someone who would make a good parent.

 

[beat...people...up?]

Hmm, good question:

1. Aesthetic subjectivism - I.e. my Ashley Simpson is just as good as your Beethoven; this fat girl is just as beautiful as Bellicci, etc.

2.






...I’m gonna have to come back to this later. Too annoyed thinking about 1. to move on.

de gustibus est disputandum for you, huh?

 

[Kframe]

I'm not saying the studies are wrong, I just say it's unfortunate for you because I didn't have that outcome.

I think it boils down to what you were doing pre kid. I like playing chess, reading books, playing sports. All things that I can include my kid in on a whim. I was never much of a bar, club or restaurant person so having a kid doesn't change that for me. There are a variety of other factors specific to my life (living in a walkable city, being self-employed, having a wife who truly loves spending time with our son even when I'm not around and doesn't resent it if I'm gone 2-3 hours at a time). So, I know it's possible even if it's not the majority.

But when parents have lifestyle desires that aren't easily adaptable to kids, it's going to be a lot harder.

I am not trying to unload my baggage on you, it's just this triggered a lot of pain for me. We used to go out to movies and late evening outings when ever we liked. I am very jealous that your life was not messed up. Yea my city is not really walkable, and there are whole swaths you don't dare venture down unless you want to get mugged.

 

[panamaican]

I am not trying to unload my baggage on you, it's just this triggered a lot of pain for me. We used to go out to movies and late evening outings when ever we liked. I am very jealous that your life was not messed up. Yea my city is not really walkable, and there are whole swaths you don't dare venture down unless you want to get mugged.

We're big movie people too. Now we're big movie streaming people. Don't worry about the baggage, like you noted, you're not the only couple who found that kids change more than you expected. If it helps, my wife is a marriage and family therapist...I doubt you're remotely close to the fucked up things I hear about, lol.