Would you be cool with your wife/gf hanging out with a guy friend?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Alphaboy, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. shunyata

    shunyata Red Belt

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    Bunch of crazy ass Othello's up in here.
     
  2. CrimsonFan

    CrimsonFan Gold Belt

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    Jealousy is a very unattractive quality and I try to not take any part in it.

    Easier said than done. It would depend on a lot of variables. The guy, how they interacted.. what they were doing.

    Either way, playing it cool is the way to go.. unless you have legit reason to suspect her being unfaithful. Being the chump that's getting cheated on isn't good either
     
  3. Jack Reacheround

    Jack Reacheround Never Go Black

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    You have to emotionally divest and cut them loose. It’s hard. But you will be a better person for it.
     
  4. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    So you aren't not going to answer my question? It's sad that asking my partner to respect our relationship is controlling. Clearly I cant put a gun to her head and demand it, so I would hope their would be some conversation and compromise. But in my case it would take quite a bit to build my trust.

    However you are making it sound as if the uneasy partner should just roll over and keep silent while the other builds emotional intimacy with another..

    Yea, I am damaged goods. Yea I was cheated on and it hurt like hell. But that is not the only act of cheating that scarred me so deeply. When I was young my dad cheated on my mom. They nearly divorced. They didn't but for the next 10 years it was misery for everyone. Mom and dad fought constantly and bitterly and I ended up catching my dads frustration via verbal and emotional abuse peppered by occasional physical abuse.

    So yea, I actually do care about men cheating, but I have no fucks to give about muslim men cheating as the topic of this discussion is women and male friends. Though to be honest, when I was on about not caring about the muslim men I was still in troll mode. I mostly shit post on this forum. But right now im as sincere as you will find me.

    Maybe you can't control them, but if they are unwilling to accommodate their partners feelings then fuck them straight to hell.
     
  5. WandySaku2

    WandySaku2 Purple Belt

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    I feel like your question has been answered multiple times. If you feel it's an absolute 'no' then just find a woman that feels the same way. They surely exist and are probably the majority in a lot of places just like most of the guys here.

    Dating is a gamble. All you can do keep your eyes and ears open, be discerning, cross your fingers and be your best.
     
  6. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    I feel it has not. Not directly.
     
  7. MikeMcMann

    MikeMcMann Silver Belt

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    I've answered it many times and dispelled strawman after strawman that you create as you struggle to understand and follow a conversation.

    I do, in fact feel sorry for you and the damage you have received as it obviously impacts you deeply in way that you cannot approach this topic rationally or dispassionately and instead look at it honestly and fairly.

    Again I have no issue with you or anyone taking the time to find a like minded mate and setting your joint boundaries. In those cases you do not have 'not allow' anything. You don't have to control your S.O as she is doing it willingly. What I have said consistently is the only thing that works and that trying to control her or 'not allow' her to have male friends BELIEVING that somehow you have prevented her from cheating is foolish and naive.

    You CANNOT stop your S.O. from cheating, you can only share an environment with her where she will not want to cheat.
     
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  8. WandySaku2

    WandySaku2 Purple Belt

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    If your question is how to prevent cheating, the most direct answer is "Be the best option". I just don't think there is a direct answer. I get the vibe you want a concrete, black-and-white, wrapped in a bow answer for something that has SO many variables.

    People have needs, do your best to cover the bases. Be attentive. Don't be too rigid, keep her smiling, etc. This might be an unpopular opinion, but barring someone just being a self-serving asshole (and there are plenty of those), I bet if people that get cheated on looked back on it objectively, there are probably a few things they slacked on (not that that makes cheating ok).

    They probably stopped being the person that got them the girl/guy. People start dating someone and think they've won the game, when in reality that's just level 1. You've gotta keep it up. Never stop dating her, so to speak. Talk to men and women that have fruitful relationships.

    Hope that helps. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2018
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  9. Al Gorithm

    Al Gorithm Red Belt

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  10. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    No need for your insults.

    So basically in your opinion, people who have been hurt by the topic have no place to comment in it? Stuff that directly impacted us and that makes our feelings on the matter irrelevant to the discussion?

    Yet this does not directly answer what I was asking. I asked what happens when someone follows all your recommendations and still gets cheated on.. All that effort to try and create an environment where she does not want to cheat and she still cheats.. You have not addressed that.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
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  11. dormammu

    dormammu Banned Banned

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    Lock her in the basement and get her one them ankle bracelet trackers incase she escapes.
     
  12. dormammu

    dormammu Banned Banned

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    Or the chics that cheat cause their man is overly controlling. You guys ever had a chic that don't trust ya, does her constant bullshit solidify your relationship.
    Again 85% of affairs start at work.
     
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  13. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    While this sounds like it makes sense, it also sounds one sided. Like it absolves the girl of any responsibility to keep up with their end of the relationship. The chasing and dating. Also not all affairs are because one side stopped trying.
     
  14. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    Of the girls I have dated in my life I have never had a distrustful one. Is it really that bad?
     
  15. MikeMcMann

    MikeMcMann Silver Belt

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    the insults are because you incapable of seeing why your question is stupid and you keep asking a stupid question.

    Nothing you have said or offered STOPS a woman from cheating. I have said over and over you CANNOT stop a woman inclined to cheat, from cheating. You can only make her not want to cheat by contributing to a great relationship.

    So they you come back with 'ya but you have not said how you STOP her from cheating' and you repeat that over and over. Again you CANNOT and I CANNOT stop any woman inclined to cheat from cheating. So stop acting as if my position is flawed because it does not achieve that when yours does not either and in fact is more likely to lead her to cheat as you don't have trust.

    And yes when someone brings deep baggage and intellectual damage to a discussion it is common that they cannot be objective on the topic and often bring damaging ideas to the topic which are reactionary. That is exactly what you are doing, and yes you should be the last person to ever give anyone advice on how to have a healthy relationship with their S.O when you base it on control, out of FEAR she might cheat, instead of TRUST that will hopefully inspire her not to cheat.


    (this is where you reply with 'but.. but you have not offered anything that STOPS her from cheating')
     
  16. Kframe

    Kframe Brown Belt

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    None of this has anything to do with my question. I specifically asked about someone who tries to make a good home environment that should inspire her not to cheat, and she still does. That has been my question three times now and you have not even approached answering it. How does your approach even help the guy that did everything right and was still fucked over?

    I am not intellectually damaged. Emotionally in the realm of relationships maybe. But you are saying that people with experience in this situation should not comment.

    I dislike your approach because it is merely blind trust. Hoping she makes the right choice when Tyrone 12 inch shows up.

    Either way, I have said my peace. I wont change your mind, you wont change mine. lets hope neither of us are cheated on as that sucks. I assume your ego will take this as a victory so you can have it.
     
  17. MikeMcMann

    MikeMcMann Silver Belt

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    I have answered it over and over but you are too daft to understand the answer.

    In your world you try to create the same good home environment I suggest to inspire her to not cheat AND YOU BAN her from having male friends in an attempt to control her AND SHE STILL CHOOSES TO CHEAT.

    What makes you think you can stop it?

    Stop fuckin asking me what I am doing to STOP her from cheating as if that is a flaw or failing in my scenario. I've said a thousand times that NOTHING you do or i do, NOTHING, can STOP a woman who is inclined to cheat from cheating. Nothing you have offered, NOTHING, is any better than what I offer and in fact due to a lack of TRUST is considered worse.

    So lets accept that neither of us, NOTHING can prevent or control a woman to not cheat.

    So then what? What can you do to reduce the chance of her cheating? What can you do to create a better environment where she might not want to cheat? What can you do increase the odds of fidelity? Trust is one of the biggest factors and that is undeniable no matter how much that terrifies you due to the immense damage you drag around with you.
     
  18. Bme26

    Bme26 Blue Belt

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    I had a situation with my girlfriend recently. We both joined a tennis club and she was interested in taking classes. We were basically given a list of instructors by their sports department and she followed up with a couple, but only one really seemed responsive, therefore she scheduled a lesson with him. The day of the lesson, I showed up 30 minutes into the lesson to check it out. It seemed like the guy was a decent instructor, but he was also a younger, smooth talking type of guy. I really didn't let it bother me initially as I was taking lessons with him too.

    Eventually, he just started coming across as a nosey person and a little slimy. Which was further affirmed when I came to the club one day and he was teaching a kids class. The kids were running around the courts with no direction while he was over there chatting up one of the moms. It didn't take long after him and I got in a little dispute over a payment issue and I dropped him quick and basically told me girl you either have my back with this or not and she eventually quit as well.

    It was so much that I didn't trust my girl, but I felt I knew what the guy was about and just didn't like the vibe. Call me jealous, but I don't like playing with my money, my girl and any other stuff with a person who comes across like they'll screw you first chance they get.
     
  19. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote Heart of a Lion

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    I don’t know. I lot of women, although smart, are emotionally unstable at times. I think it wouldn’t be too uncommon for one to make a “mistake” if the relationship with with their husbands or boyfriends had a sour period, and cheating just felt right at that moment.
     
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  20. Alphaboy

    Alphaboy Brown Belt

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    I also can see a lot of girls (obviously not a high caliber one like mine, but the dumb broads you see in reality shows) saying shit like:

    "I f*cked Ben, but he's gay, so that doesn't count!"

    That's whore logic, a lot of those stupid party girls have.
     

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