Would you be cool with your wife/gf hanging out with a guy friend?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Alphaboy, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. Seaside

    Seaside Caudillo

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    "Only intolerant conservatives and right wingers have issues with this. I am so not patriarchical and progressive i want my girl to be fucked by other men!!" = progressive future and now men

    Yep
     
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  2. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote Heart of a Lion

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    lol. Or have one of them say— “I didn’t screw him. He screwed me.”
     
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  3. My name is

    My name is GOAT

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    At work she's around them but I'd never be down for one hanging with her outside of work. Dudes only want one thing and if that mean putting in years of work to catch the one chance they will do it. I've done it
     
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  4. Midnighter

    Midnighter Red Belt

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    Only logical post in here.

    Gotta make sure to say no homo though; you're looking super gay right now, bro.
     
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  5. Reyesnuthugr

    Reyesnuthugr Dominick Reyes Belt

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    The overall message you are presenting is correct: Nothing can stop a determined cheater from cheating. That is 1000% true.

    No argument. You have an excellent point there, I respect and acknowledge your intelligence on the matter.

    ---

    I see that some others are not so much disagreeing with your statement, it's more the recognition that not every potential cheater is a determined juggernaut with an end goal of cheating in mind or intention, male or especially female.

    It's not a binary, 1 or 0, all-or-nothing scenario for most people or women. Almost all women operate somewhere inbetween, in an undefined haze, as they prefer to.

    A few of them ARE pre-determined all the way to one side (scheming infidelity) or the other (militant faithfulness), but this is rare. Inbetween, on an ever-floating point, in a range gauged and influenced subjectively by emotions, is what it is like for the overwhelming majority of people and even moreso for females.

    Let's look at cheating on diets. You could say "if a woman on a diet wants to eat 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's, she'll eat 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's." But that is not the entire model of reality. If you keep snacks around the house, statistically you are much more likely to cheat on your diet than if you only stock healthy foods. Most women are not adamant about stocking a fridge full of cheat foods when they are on a diet. That kind of thing.

    ^^*I've had women thank me at work for removing plates of cake and brownies from their sight at work parties because they were on diets. They were making tortured noises. Sincerely THANKED

    Also women hate when men look at other women, even a glance. But there's a reason why you (in particular, even) wouldn't be advising those same women (let's say you know them and they're your work friends) "if a guy wants to look and then cheat, he will look and then cheat on you, nothing you can do about it, it's definitely gonna happen now"

    Having pre-agreed-upon boundaries is healthy for both members of an adult relationship. If they still are determined to wander outside those boundaries they helped set, then it's definitely too late. But if there is a blip here and there (momentary glance), that's to be expected and is not wrong to be communicated about and worked out-- it doesn't guarantee or even necessarily indicate that that person is going to cheat. There's still a functional reason women will reign it in, though.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
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  6. WandySaku2

    WandySaku2 Purple Belt

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    Yes and No. It sounds one sided because, 1.) I'm answering the "What can I/you do to prevent it?" question. I would largely give the same advice to a woman (stay in shape, stay fun, etc. etc.). In an ideal situation, both people involved would have that attitude.

    2.) One thing that does seem to be a glaring difference between men and women involving sex is that for us, the vast majority of what we ultimately need is just for the woman to be there and be accessible and when we stray it's generally to fulfil a physical desire. For a lot of men, even if the woman did change as long as she's still there, all is well in their mind.

    Women tend to be way more complicated in that they have more boxes that need to be checked and "just being there" is never going to be enough. So in a way, it is more important for the guy to be the one "perpetually dating".

    *One of the perks of having female friends, you get a front row seat to see and learn these things in action haha.

    ...and of course, that's not the only reason for cheating, but I'd bet it's the most common one, particularly when it's the woman doing it.

    Be better than Tyrone. That's all you can do.

    Here's an unorthodox suggestion, but watch nature documentaries involving social mammals (particularly the ones that don't accept unrelated males). When the male lion or gorilla or whatever is providing what the females need, they aren't sneaking off into the woods looking for a new male...but when they get older, weaker, get pushed out and just overall start slipping, then that's when they start losing their girls. Just keep your bases covered (especially the intangibles) and chances are in your favor that she won't cheat, but nothing anyone will tell you is 100%.
     
  7. Alphaboy

    Alphaboy Brown Belt

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    Seems like people on either side of this issue are cemented in their positions.

    This thread kinda morphed, naturally, into cheating/infidelity.

    My opinion, like any bad thing. I dont think there is any foolproof way to prevent it, but I think almost all cases have to do with a lack of respect.

    From what I've gathered she either didn't respect the guy because he was too much of a pushover (or the other word that starts with "pus"). These girls begin to resent these men for allowing them to walk all over them and eventually leave for a dude with more assertive qualities.

    Or they lose respect for the man because he's too far in the other direction. Neglects her or doesn't make her feel valued and she tries to find love elsewhere.

    I think having a happy medium between being loving (but not too much of a sap) and confident & non-needy (but not too aloof) would cut back on a HUGE number of female infidelity.

    Of course nothing can be 100% though.
     
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  8. blaseblah

    blaseblah Silver Belt

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    Id agree with this but I'd argue majority of the time this is influenced directly by the significant others behavior. Relationships can get stale and couples have to work to keep them.exciting. You bring up emotions. Who better to manipulate a woman's emotions than the guy who knows her best?

    IMO keeping the relationship fresh and engaging does far more to keep a woman than setting boundaries such as "no you can't go have lunch with your male friend". Doing the latter in an overly possessive and jealous way can hurt more than help the relationship.
     
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  9. Reyesnuthugr

    Reyesnuthugr Dominick Reyes Belt

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    I agree with yours as well, but there's nothing to prevent enacting both measures for best effect.

    Women have behavior safeguards for their men for a reason, they know what it leads to if they don't.

    Boring guys also get a woman to think about straying, easier than they normally would.


    Like most smart precautions, it's best not to pick one you like but to follow any and all relevant ones. They tend to work a lot better in conjunction with each other than alone.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
  10. blaseblah

    blaseblah Silver Belt

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    How does the conversation go? She tells you she's meeting a guy friend for lunch. You tell her no, you're not okay with that. You're sending her the message you don't trust her. How do you get the message across in a way that doesn't come off as jealousy? Because jealousy is a turnoff. What if she's known the guy longer than you?
     
  11. Reyesnuthugr

    Reyesnuthugr Dominick Reyes Belt

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    You gotta set mutual boundaries before it reaches that point. Talk about it early in the relationship. That's what they (as females) do.

    Then if it pops up you can reference your mutual agreement respectfully. That's also what they do.

    If someone still is absolutely determined to go over the established lines of respect that were set by themselves, then yeah it's too late but at least then you'll know before it gets even further out of hand. It gives a lot more leverage this way than to just assume they have and will follow all the same ideas about proper decorum as you because you never thought to talk about it with them.
     
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  12. freakroor

    freakroor Purple Belt

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    Hanging out alone with a straight guy? Fuck no.


    Gay guys? Sure.. They are harmless, just want to gossip and drink margaritas.
     
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  13. michal001

    michal001 Brown Belt

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    Don't set yourself up for failure.
     
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  14. TrevorRoss

    TrevorRoss Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card Yellow Card Banned

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    A ridiculous question from someone who calls himself “alphaboy”. I’d run both those twinks outta dodge.
     
  15. EyeOfNewt

    EyeOfNewt White Belt

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    Girls with cool personalities?

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. orca

    orca P4P #1 Machida fan

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    Depends. Maybe no maybe yes 50/50
     
  17. Eazy123

    Eazy123 Black Belt

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    I had a girl whose old high school guy friend from 20 years ago wanted to meet for drinks. I trusted her so I said go ahead, have fun.

    For a week after that her phone was blowing up with texts which was suspicious. Snooped and found he was telling her to leave me for him.

    So I'd be very cautious. I have female friends but I wouldn't blame a dude for being suspicious. I used to be trustful but not so much anymore.
     
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  18. EyeOfNewt

    EyeOfNewt White Belt

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    Trustful of who? Typically guys don't hit unless the female gives a sign of openness.
     
  19. Eazy123

    Eazy123 Black Belt

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    Both. He had just gotten divorced so I was wary from the start, but you know...gotta be a trustful boyfriend because this day and age, guys are the assholes, never women!

    It wouldn't surprise me if she cheated with him. No dude just gets divorced and looks to old female friends for just drinks and I knew that.

    Like I said, I HAD a girl. Another similar incident later on was what helped seal the deal for me to leave. I got accused of not trusting her but I made sure I had plenty under my belt before I left, since her kids were involved and I got along real well with them. So I had to be 110% sure before I left.

    The chick still tries to contact me to this day, over 3 years later.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2018
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  20. EyeOfNewt

    EyeOfNewt White Belt

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    That was my thought as well. One doesn't reappear 20 years later to incite a female to leave her boyfriend unless she led or misled him to believe there was hope. I'm glad you saw through the bullshit and made it out well
     
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