Would you be cool with your wife/gf hanging out with a guy friend?

[moreorless87]

Sure. People cheat.

But what is laughable is that a certain group of males think they can prevent their gals from cheating by not allowing them to have male friends that they socialize with.

They puff up their chests and proclaim themselves more Alpha because 'they would not allow it', lol.

You have to be painfully stupid and willing to lie to yourself to cover up your insecurity if you think you are preventing a woman who wants to cheat, from cheating by 'not allowing her...' to do anything. Women can get sex anywhere and anytime at the drop of hte hat and her man is not preventing shit. She has to prevent it.

That kind of view of your partner as well seems much more likely to push them into someone elses arms/bed as well.

Honestly I tend to think a big issue when it comes to the old "can men and women be friends" debate tends to be that theres difference between how the genders view friendship. I mean yes this is a generalisation but I would say that female friendships are often closer to relationships in terms of their openness/closeness, if the same thing happens in womens friendships with men who aren't as used to this you can get crossed wires.

It doesn't mean friendships can't stay just that but when they don't I think its more than just the idea that two people of opposite genders who get along can't help but sleep with each other.

 

[franklinstower]

That kind of view of your partner as well seems much more likely to push them into someone elses arms/bed as well.

Honestly I tend to think a big issue when it comes to the old "can men and women be friends" debate tends to be that theres difference between how the genders view friendship. I mean yes this is a generalisation but I would say that female friendships are often closer to relationships in terms of their openness/closeness, if the same thing happens in womens friendships with men who aren't as used to this you can get crossed wires.

It doesn't mean friendships can't stay just that but when they don't I think its more than just the idea that two people of opposite genders who get along can't help but sleep with each other.

As a man who agrees with this let me say it from a different angle. I used to be in the other camp and while I was not a serial cheater I have to be honest and say that while I was hanging out with my so called women friends I absolutely had romantic feelings and sexual thoughts come up about that person. I believe they did too even though we never acted on them.

I dont want to have those thoughts and feelings about anyone but my wife.

 

[SL1200]

Sure. People cheat.

But what is laughable is that a certain group of males think they can prevent their gals from cheating by not allowing them to have male friends that they socialize with.

They puff up their chests and proclaim themselves more Alpha because 'they would not allow it', lol.

You have to be painfully stupid and willing to lie to yourself to cover up your insecurity if you think you are preventing a woman who wants to cheat, from cheating by 'not allowing her...' to do anything. Women can get sex anywhere and anytime at the drop of hte hat and her man is not preventing shit. She has to prevent it.

Exactly this! Couldn't have said it any better!

 

[Shawn91111]

A friend she just met, not sure. A long time friend, wouldn't and hasn't bothered me in the past, just as me hanging out with my female friends hasn't bothered her.

 

[Drain Bamage]

Mine's a nurse.... patients are gross , doctors are old, male nurses are generally gay or foreigners with poor english and odd hygiene

Well sounds like time for me to be that alpha male nurse the ladies need

 

[Bamboozled]

Projecting much? And the reason you give doesn't conflict with what I say..

Because what you say has literally no basis.

Morally its unfit for a man or woman to hang out with the opposite sex. Regardless of trust levels. My ex could have hung out with any dude and I'm 100% positive she wouldn't do anything. The guy on the other hand? Don't trust people you don't know. If other people see your significant other alone and out with the opposite sex it raises red flags for them. You have an image to maintain whether you like it or not.

 

[SUSAN]

Well sounds like time for me to be that alpha male nurse the ladies need

Job is horrible and disgusting.

 

[moreorless87]

As a man who agrees with this let me say it from a different angle. I used to be in the other camp and while I was not a serial cheater I have to be honest and say that while I was hanging out with my so called women friends I absolutely had romantic feelings and sexual thoughts come up about that person. I believe they did too even though we never acted on them.

I dont want to have those thoughts and feelings about anyone but my wife.

I think its a mistake to believe that anyone can totally lack those thoughts for others without lacking the ability to empathise or being attracted to anyone at all. One way to look at it I spose is that if being faithful was easy then it wouldn't count for as much.

Again though I think the issue for some men likely is that suddenly their in this friendship that's gotten far more personal than what their used to with other men. Probably also explains the "friend zone" idea which is really I think more unrequited love than anything else, men being used to emotional closeness always going hand in hand with romance.

 

[Deleted member 263856]

The question is do you trust the guys she's hanging out with. You can trust your wife all you want but she's most likely physically inferior, you have to be able to trust guy/s she's hanging out with. My wife goes out with guys she's known since junior high all the time and that's totally fine. If it was some semi random dude I'd have a problem with it.

 

[SL1200]

Because what you say has literally no basis.

Morally its unfit for a man or woman to hang out with the opposite sex. Regardless of trust levels. My ex could have hung out with any dude and I'm 100% positive she wouldn't do anything. The guy on the other hand? Don't trust people you don't know. If other people see your significant other alone and out with the opposite sex it raises red flags for them. You have an image to maintain whether you like it or not.

Morally? And you accuse me of stating something without basis? As long as I can look myself in the mirror I'm fine.

And "an image to maintain"? That's hilarious! An image? For who? People that know me know what's up and everybody else? Fuck 'em! Who gives a shit? If you value yourself by "the image" you project you have some issues..

 

[Bamboozled]

Morally? And you accuse me of stating something without basis? As long as I can look myself in the mirror I'm fine.

And "an image to maintain"? That's hilarious! An image? For who? People that know me know what's up and everybody else? Fuck 'em! Who gives a shit? If you value yourself by "the image" you project you have some issues..

Or some people live int he public eye

 

[SL1200]

Or some people live int he public eye

What do you mean by that? Honest question.

 

[Bamboozled]

What do you mean by that? Honest question.

Some peoples jobs are open to the public. Mine is, so I do have an image to maintain. It's not uncommon and it's done at plenty of levels of the workforce.

 

[bowened]

This is all common sense that has not become so common these days. If you want your marriage to work that is where you invest the precious little time you have outside of work, kids, and such.

There are no male friends of married women who have not jerked off while fantasizing about that woman..... its just not meant to be that you have best friends with other sexes after marriage.

You know, this isn’t what I thought when I was an unmarried man in my 20s, which makes sense given where I was at in my life.

But vowing to a woman that I will love her and be with her until death changed my perspective on the responsibility and value I have for my relationship. It’s like, treat your wife like she’s something to value and hold close. Treat your marriage like it’s something that can be threatened at any moment—because it can.

And totally agreed on your last point. Straight men don’t look to hang out with other men’s wives for the rousing conversation. Like you said, this should be common sense.

 

[SL1200]

Some peoples jobs are open to the public. Mine is, so I do have an image to maintain. It's not uncommon and it's done at plenty of levels of the workforce.

What does letting your girl hang out with male friends have to do with your job? Unless you're a pimp..

 

[Happy Man]

TBH I can’t relate to any of your examples. My wife and I have young kids and we both work. It’s really difficult for us to get time together out of the house with just the two of us. Free time is truely a luxury, and if she’s using it to have one-on-one time with another man, or I’m using it to find companionship with another woman, then I think we probably have some issues to discuss.

I also have friends like the ones you described. None of us seek out one-on-one time with each other’s wives, no matter how far back our friendships with their wives go. That just doesn’t happen.

Scrubs and Friends aren’t reality. The characters are designed to entertain an audience, not to serve as a model for healthy behavior in a marriage.

“Zero fucks” is an attitude I try to avoid in my marriage. I find my marriage functions at its best when I give a fuck, have standards, listen to my instincts if think there’s a problem, etc.

Don't know what to tell ya, nobody I know cares. We've all known each other for over 15 years and my buddies say that they have no problems if it's me and they like it if I'm hanging out with them if a few of us are out bc I protect them from random drunk guys advances. And I bitch about that a lot actually lol, that sucks

 

[Bamboozled]

What does letting your girl hang out with male friends have to do with your job? Unless you're a pimp..

It's not a good look if my significant other is hanging out with other men. Just like it isn't a good look if I'm seen with other women.

 

[Happy Man]

You know, this isn’t what I thought when I was an unmarried man in my 20s, which makes sense given where I was at in my life.

But vowing to a woman that I will love her and be with her until death changed my perspective on the responsibility and value I have for my relationship. It’s like, treat your wife like she’s something to value and hold close. Treat your marriage like it’s something that can be threatened at any moment—because it can.

And totally agreed on your last point. Straight men don’t look to hang out with other men’s wives for the rousing conversation. Like you said, this should be common sense.

You guys are so weird I just don't get it.

It must come from different situations and groups of friends. I just went on a bike ride (taco ride) with a friend of mine for over 18 years. my other friend, her husband was even out of town for work.

Nobody cares.

 

[Graves The Elder]

you sound like a happy man

 

[MikeMcMann]

Because what you say has literally no basis.

Morally its unfit for a man or woman to hang out with the opposite sex. Regardless of trust levels. My ex could have hung out with any dude and I'm 100% positive she wouldn't do anything. The guy on the other hand? Don't trust people you don't know. If other people see your significant other alone and out with the opposite sex it raises red flags for them. You have an image to maintain whether you like it or not.

"Moraly" what? Unift for all men and women to hang out socially or just married ones. You are not clear.

I disagree regardless as it is not a moral issue to just hang out unless your morals are based on a very strict interpretation of Islam or some such.

And my image of being a secure trusting man and husband/partner is not at risk if my wife/gf has male friends. Not with anyone I am worried about anyway.

...

And totally agreed on your last point. Straight men don’t look to hang out with other men’s wives for the rousing conversation. Like you said, this should be common sense.

M'eh.

So much projecting going on here and that is the problem. You can only speak for yourself in that statement and please don't speak for other men. Many men and women can be adults and have friendships while respecting the boundaries of theirs and the others marriages.